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Issue 30: Toni Braxton-Hicks

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Woman About the Internet

March 30 · Issue #30 · View online
I am a writer, mother, and decent human being living in Seattle, Washington. My monthly newsletter pairs perfectly with the everyday and the End of Days. I think you're swell.

I’ve never met a message board community that I didn’t immediately become inappropriately invested in. I’ve written about scrolling through the threads of scent aficionados and Disney fans. I’ve described my time delving into the greasy world of Yahoo Answers, where curious souls dare to ask what everyday food items taste like only to be misguided or mocked by anonymous internet hobgoblins.
Oh, friends, these endless hours lost to the online drama and desires of others can never compare to the toothsome trash talk that goes down on mothering message boards. If being a woman on the internet for the last twenty years has taught me anything, it’s that anonymous online forums really bring out the best in people.
I won’t bore you with all of the gory details, but with a little more than a month left to go on this pregnancy, I frequently find myself awake at all hours of the night, my anxious brain running on a treadmill fueled by unlikely scenarios and rapid-fire googling sessions that inevitably lead to horrifying BabyCenter, The Bump, or What To Expect threads. Last night the scene went something like this: 
Time: 3 am
Brain (selecting from a series of songs that have been unconsciously playing on a loop in my head since 1996): Unbreak my heeeeeeeeart say you love me again
Brain: MORE LIKE TONI BRAXTON-HICKS CONTRACTION, AMIRIGHT?
Body: Reaches for phone, googles, clicks on BabyCenter, and then…
God bless the people of the BabyCenter community and their infinite wisdom. In the last eight months, I’ve lurked my way through endless discussions of family dynamics, the gender performance Olympics, and much, much more.  But last night, it was just Amberrr7 and I underneath one great big digital sky in the wee hours of the morning, our wombs sporadically practicing for the main event. 
I love you and you are deserving of great things.
xo Drew
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Some of my other writing lives here. If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can do so right here. I also hang out on Twitter.
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