I’ve never met a message board community that I didn’t immediately become inappropriately invested in. I’ve written about
scrolling through the threads of scent aficionados and Disney fans. I’ve described my time
delving into the greasy world of Yahoo Answers, where curious souls dare to ask what everyday food items taste like only to be misguided or mocked by anonymous internet hobgoblins.
Oh, friends, these endless hours lost to the online drama and desires of others can never compare to the toothsome trash talk that goes down on mothering message boards. If being a woman on the internet for the last twenty years has taught me anything, it’s that anonymous online forums really bring out the best in people.
I won’t bore you with all of the gory details, but with a little more than a month left to go on this pregnancy, I frequently find myself awake at all hours of the night, my anxious brain running on a treadmill fueled by unlikely scenarios and rapid-fire googling sessions that inevitably lead to horrifying BabyCenter, The Bump, or What To Expect threads. Last night the scene went something like this: