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Issue 21: The Icelandic Death Underpants of 2017

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The shortest day of the year is behind us, pals. I would say that it's all going to get lighter from
 

Woman About the Internet

December 22 · Issue #21 · View online
I am a writer, mother, and decent human being living in Seattle, Washington. My monthly newsletter pairs perfectly with the everyday and the End of Days. I think you're swell.

The shortest day of the year is behind us, pals. I would say that it’s all going to get lighter from here, but who knows? Let’s just admit that optimism is exhausting but necessary.

One thing that is keeping me hopeful is the fact that no matter how deeply we plunge into the festering pit that is this filthy world, long ago we collectively agreed upon finding warmth in the darkness. Together. We light fires, we drag plants inside, we consume large amounts of seasonal food and beverage, often communally. These activities really speak to me year round but are especially helpful when the sun begins to dip below the horizon around three o'clock and I dream of fleeing this country in favor of riding the Orient Express back and forth from Venice to Paris until I give birth sometime in May. Do you think my cabin would accommodate both a doula and a small dog?
Cold Weather Leftovers of Yore
Is your skin THIS ready for winter?
A few years ago I composed the hot tips below for a healthy winter glow. I’ll admit I was in a fairly dark place at the time, but mostly I just wanted to talk about Necropants, AKA Nábrók, AKA Icelandic Death Underpants. I can only stand by point four, but perhaps you’ll be able to glean a little wisdom. 
Is Your Skin Ready for Winter? 5 Tips for the Perfect Pelt
  1. Preserve your skin with a generous layer of non-iodized salt! Salted skins can be air dried until the onset of warm weather, or even frozen to prevent decay.
  2. Lipid up! Collagen fiber-laced whale blubber is rich in lipids, retains heat and will give your skin that beachy vibe even when summer is long gone. On a budget? Get the look for less with an abundant coating of vegetable shortening.
  3. The full moon arrives on January 2nd. Celebrate the onset of the New Year by shedding your skin in the moonlight and get ready to brumate, the reptilian equivalent of hibernation.
  4. We’re all just walking sacks of fat and sewage marching towards our collective mortality, anyway. Sit your sack down next to the fire and have a drink.
  5. Necropants.
Jell-O Salad as Enduring Metaphor
It is my sincere hope that these last few days of 2017 are good to you. I’d love to have you all over for a virtual Jell-O mold and discuss our dreams for 2018. If this past year was a lime gelatin ring filled with seafood medley we can only cross our fingers for the coming months and pray for Perfection Salad. 
The only cheese in this salad is cottage. This salad is 2017.
Pairs beautifully with Necropants and an endless supply of money.
I’ll be back next week with one last hurrah before we march blindly into the New Year. Until then, stay festive.
I love you and you are deserving of great things.
xo Drew
Need to catch up on an issue? Explore the archives right here.
Some of my other writing lives here. If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can do so right here. I also hang out on Twitter.
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