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Issue 16: Quality Recipes for School Service, 1988

Last night I spent longer than I'd like to admit googling high school cafeteria pizza and where to pu

Woman About the Internet

November 17 · Issue #16 · View online
I am a writer, mother, and decent human being living in Seattle, Washington. My monthly newsletter pairs perfectly with the everyday and the End of Days. I think you're swell.

Last night I spent longer than I’d like to admit googling high school cafeteria pizza and where to purchase it online. Those who know me well will understand that I would do this even if I were not currently gestating a fetus the size of an avocado. 

It’s always comforting to find out that one is not alone in their search for meaning, even when that meaning hinges on the existence of nostalgic frozen foods. The pizza that’s been on my mind lately has its own Facebook fan page, where hungry adults have searched in vain for the very specific cafeteria pizza of their youth. One New Englander’s Tony’s Thick Crust Rectangle is another midwesterner’s Nardone Bros. Whole Wheat Cheese/Cheese Substitute
As I write this it is officially pizza day at Nauset Regional High School, where I’m sure the crisp New England air is creating pleasant waves of steam rising from piping hot crusts. Scratch that. I just looked at the menu and it seems that Nauset has done away with pizza day in favor of Mexican lasagna.
Since none of you want to go in on a 96-serving case of frozen mystery pizza with me that may or may not be of desired historically accurate consistency (unless perhaps I’m not putting enough faith in my readers?), we might just have to realize this dream in our own kitchens.
Luckily, a handful of bloggers have attempted to recreate the pizza at home. Since I’m composing this newsletter on the road from beautiful Boise, Idaho, I cannot vouch for the quality of these experiments but will report back as soon as I’m able to dive into some dough. 
Bon Appetit actually tackled the legend of the crust last fall and uncovered what might just be the original recipe buried deep in a scan of the USDA’s 1988 Quality Recipes for School Service (although let’s be clear that my high school was definitely not making this stuff from scratch). 
One humble request: If you do decide to embark on this odyssey will you also promise to make the yellow cake on page 128? I doubt you’ll regret it. 
Finally, here is Maude, who is definitely not taunting Alice and would really appreciate any leftovers you have to offer. Thanks.
I love you and you are deserving of great things.
xo Drew
Need to catch up on an issue? Explore the archives right here.
Some of my other writing lives here. If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can do so right here. I also hang out on Twitter.
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