Woman About the Internet

By Drew Zandonella-Stannard

Issue 14: It's Milk and It Tastes Like Milk

#14・ Nov 3, 2017

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Woman About the Internet

November 3 · Issue #14 · View online

I am a writer, mother, and decent human being living in Seattle, Washington. My monthly newsletter pairs perfectly with the everyday and the End of Days. I think you're swell.

In my professional life, I’ve spent an unusual amount of time thinking about how things taste and smell, writing back labels and tasting notes and beauty copy explaining to people who have products in their hands (but not yet in their mouths) what to expect once they decide to consume something allegedly satisfying. Describing the flavors and scents of packaged goods that don’t necessarily exist yet has led me to an odd corner of the internet where people turn to the hive mind to understand how things taste. Google “What do boysenberries taste like?” and you’ll come up with a slew of Quora pages and Yahoo Answers threads highlighting the intricacies of the wild berries. Except they’re not wild at all.

In these turbulent times is it comforting to know that every single boysenberry on earth can trace its roots back to Knott’s Berry Farm? I like to think so. Small tangent: In the 1930’s the Knott family’s future was unknowingly sealed by Rudolph Boysen, a friendly Anaheim parks employee who had unsuccessfully experimented with a new strain of berry, attempting to cross raspberries, loganberries, and blackberries. Walter Knott, the ingenious farmer-slash-neighbor that he was, gave his buddy’s failed dream a whirl and launched a berry stand-turned-restaurant that eventually became an amusement park empire.

All of above is to say that you should really read the following descriptions of what everyday foods taste like, brought to you by the curious and helpful people of the internet who are mostly just trying their best.

Then, if you’re ready, you should make this boysenberry pie. It’s okay if the dough comes from the freezer. When I ate it at Knott’s Berry Farm it certainly did.

What Do Bananas Taste Like?

Timothy Larkin with the evergreen content, 7 years and running.

What Does Milk Taste Like?

Imagine if you genuinely wanted to know what milk tasted like and these two bozos showed up.

What Does Asparagus Taste Like?

That avatar says it all. Bronco slides into the comments (and is voted best answer!) with a note that is somehow both unhelpful and also a recipe.

No photo of Maude this week because I’m currently typing this from a yurt in the wilds of Eastern Washington, which looks like this:

You're all invited. Except for Bronco.

I love you and you are deserving of great things.

xo Drew

Need to catch up on an issue? Explore the archives right here.

Some of my other writing lives here. If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can do so right here. I also hang out on Twitter.

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Seattle, WA