न बाँधो इस अनवरत उन्मुक्त उड़ान को
समय की बेड़ी से इसे सरोकार ही क्यों हो ?
आंतरिक संयम को बाहरी चर्या क्यों,
मन के भावों को शब्दों का बाना क्यों ?
शायद कभी क्षितिज को न छू पाऊँ,
शायद कभी सबसे ऊँचा न उड़ पाऊँ,
शायद क्षमता की सीमा में बंध जाऊं,
पर मन की स्वछंदता को क्यों न पाऊँ |
लौट कर आऊँगी अपने घरोंदे पर फिर भी,
विस्तृत आसमान अधिक अपना सा लगे तो भी |
मन की एक तार काया के बंधनों से है जुडी,
चाहे बाकी सब अपने आशियाँ में हैं सिमटी |
This verse that I wrote a couple of years back, often comes to my mind whenever I introspect or rather open my eyes inwards. I do see myself as a free spirit that soars beyond all borders and boundaries, that cruises in a trans like peaceful state and to whom all restraints, whatsoever, are unknown. I can actually feel like a bird with wings wide open gliding calmly, propelled by soothing wind. These are the phases when I try to just observe, experience and assimilate what life brings through its various waves. There is no hurry to reach anywhere or desire to accomplish anything. What is and what has been - are pretty much what need to be. Though on surface I remain completely calm and steadfast, I know in the inside I am constantly trying to understand the warps and wefts of incessant thoughts.
Then there are times when I want to move fast, even faster than how the time does. During these times I want to see more, explore more, try more and do much more. There is a strong urge to accomplish something that I set my eye on, to learn more that gives me some more satisfaction of trying something new, to understand the world a little bit more as long as the required faculties are cooperating and similar such desires. Surface tranquility remains intact even during these phases but the mind is constantly at work trying to derive some more from every moment.
It so feels that I am actually riding a fountain of energy and enthusiasm during the latter phase.
I often used to wonder, isn’t it a classic paradoxical and self-contradictory situation? But as I am adding years to my life and as I am going through more of these phases which may not always be alternating, I know one thing for sure that I am progressively learning to acknowledge and greet each of these phases fairly. I have started enjoying the uniqueness of both equally rather than resisting one for another. It is in fact, feeling like I can entertain them or rather they can entertain me as a viewer. I can watch them come and go without hanging sharp hooks on either.