Easy ā two reasons.
1) Iām catching up on Love Island with Bree and weāre on the third hour of the night. To say my eyelids are drooping would be a massive understatement. TheyāreĀ dropping like anchors.Ā
2) My world has been in a bit of whirlwind lately, and to be real, Iāve been out of it. Let me explain with a metaphor:
I take a lot of pride in my bedroom. From the outside, itās meticulously clean. My floors are clear. Surfaces wiped. Fresh flowers in vases around the room. Bed always made. Watches organized on a stand. Candles perfectly balanced ā a big one next to a few small ones with some tea lights in the open space. Everything has itās place. The boys walk through my room and talk about how cozy and comforting and calm it is. From first glance, itās perfect.Ā
Then, you open a drawer. Absolute mayhem. Almost every drawer in my room can be described in one word: chaos. Every drawer is a junk drawer ā next to nothing is organized.Ā
The other day when I was cleaning my room, shoving things in random drawers so it looked nice on the outside, I was slapped with how much of a metaphor it was for the last few weeks of my life.Ā
Things have been good on the outside. I make people laugh and do good work and get drinks with friends and lead a healthy life.Ā
But things are a bit different on the inside.
Iāve been stuck in my body, worried about my random health problems. My back is spent and my digestion is off and my right eye is twitching. According to my calculations, Iām a goner. Note: My calculations are never right, but I always check them 2039842398 times, just in case.
Iāve been Iāve been stuck in my head, stressed about a lot of things. The news. My friends. The future. My tan. My work. The creative in me that needs rest and inspiration at the same time. The athlete in me that wants to run around but spends most of my hours at a desk. The daughter in me that wants to cook dinner with my whole family like Iām 17.
Iāve just been off, and thatās okay. Iām thankful that Iāve done enough work on myself through the years to know what gets me here, then how I can work myself back to homeostasis. Itās funny, though. I loveĀ a good metaphor, but haveĀ never thought about my clean room, and how itās one massive metaphor. I want to lookĀ perfect during the messy weeks. Iām walking around with pretty flowers on the surface, candles lit, ambiance everywhere, but Iām really shoving the loose ends into the drawers like itās a race, only to have to clean them out later.
Please, no worrying about me allowed ā just had a few weird weeks in my head, but weāre on the up. Just wanted to remind you that everybody has loose papers and ugly cables and extra things they donāt really need. Shoving those things in the back of a drawer doesnāt make them disappear. In fact, theyāll bug you more when you find them later.Ā
The next time youāre in cleaning mode, look at things and put them where theyāre meant to be. Toss the bad, wrestle with the hard, and cherish the good. Youāll thank yourself later.
I love you. Happy Monday.Ā
Your friend,Ā
Taryn
ps. iāve missed you. every last one of you. excited to be back.
pps. welcome to all my new subscribers. you may feel like you just threw your name on a list and that i maybe wouldnāt notice, but lean in close and iāll tell you something dorky⦠i refresh that list religiously, and quietly freak out whenever a new name pops up. youāre not just a number to me. youāre a person with a name who i saw and celebrated, iām so damn excited to have you. reply to this email and say hi : )Ā