I have been thinking a lot about unconscious emotions and behaviours. Having the space to sit and notice mine over the recent few months has been both pleasant and unpleasant. A constant unpacking and packing of my thoughts. A merry go round of yay! I am noticing and sitting in it and oh no! feeling terrible because of all the things that have been tucked away unconsciously then the yes this is all okay and releasing the thoughts.
Some things I have been uncovering:
Impatience. Rushing. Wanting quick fixes and the solution right away because that is what the western world has wired into us.
Being hard on myself. Not acknowledging how far I have come, all the things I have accomplished and giving myself the happy thoughts of yes, I am here and it feels so bloody good because it all feels so right, this path I am bravely walking on, this next journey that will take so much of me.
Ego. Hello silly ego of mine. Deeply intwined with so many old beliefs and judgements that do not serve the current me. A lot of mental rubbish throwing. Out old ideas. Out old judgements. Out old attachments.
It is tiring and freeing. It is a lot of mental gymnastics. I have been feeling so emotionally weary. But here I am. Unpacking the old, packing in the new. Slowing down. Learning to trust the process, the slow and steady practice. Realising it is not a race because you are ultimately just racing yourself and how silly is that?
So! Yesterday you is not today you. If you are noticing similar patterns in your own life, then notice it, let the thoughts sit for a bit, and then feel into what your body, mind, self and all is telling you.
Out with the old, in with the new. Keep on breathing.
Happy holidays! Remember to take some quiet time for yourself. Drink water. Get some sunshine. Future you will thank current you.
See you next week.