Knowing that it was getting close to the point where I would soon need to be replacing the old faithful pair of running shoes, I anticipated I would do my usual trick of browsing the interweb for various brands and models to see what was out there…before buying the same pair of shoe’s as last time.
During my new shoe flirtations, it was clear that while browsing the usual websites I had absolutely no idea what half the reviews were on about and it became nigh on impossible to glean any sort of knowledge as to what each shoe has to offer or how it may differ from my current wheels.
Has anybody else had this problem?
Whichever shoe or brand name I looked into, the manufacturer reviews seemed to be made up entirely of incoherent descriptions and acronyms that are completely impossible to understand.
Everun treatments, Guide Rails, Clutch Counters…it went on.
On some Asics models a USP was the LIGHT AHAR SPONGE which apparently is a “rubber outsole material with high abrasion-resistant qualities….” and not, to me eternal disappointment, an Alan Partridge inspired healthy cake range.
So, for your delectation, I have listed some of my favourite entries below. A sort of Hall of Fame for running shoe linguistical diarrhoea (with accompanying translations). Enjoy.
Impact Guidance System®: “design philosophy that employs linked componentry….”
Translation: The front of the shoe is connected to the back of the shoe (which is useful).
Clutch Counter: “Exoskeletaleel counter provides improved support and creates improved heel fitting environment”.
Counting clutches? Exoskeletal?
Translation: They should fit.
Guidance Line® and Guidance Trusstic System Technology®: “integrates Guidance construction for enhanced gait efficiency while providing midfoot structural integrity”.
Guidance lines? Trusstics?
Translation: They have decent support.
Light AHAR Sponge: “A blown AHAR rubber outsole material with high abrasion-resistant qualities for added durability”.
Translation: They’ll last longer than most.
SpEva & SuperSpEva: “…balloon-like polymers quickly recover their shape to be ready to absorb the impact”
Translation: They are bouncy.
“Early Stage Meta-Rocker:” … Specifically designed with a low heel-toe differential and a sculpted outsole like a rocking chair, to encourage a guided gait cycle
Translation: They are quite round under foot.
“DNA LOFT Cushioning:” … extends throughout the midsole for an even smoother transition from heel to toe
Translation: They have decent padding from back to front.
“BioMoGo DNA:” … an adaptive midsole material that blends BioMoGo and Brooks DNA to create dynamic cushioning.
Translation: They have decent cushioning.