They say the only constant is change and these days it would be very difficult to argue. The pandemic has flipped our carefully constructed lives on their collective heads. Innovations in industry and technology have upended everything, changing the way we live.
But disruption isn’t limited to how we live our lives on line or companies like Uber. I can get used to a new app on my computer or make the decision between flagging a taxi on the street or ordering an Uber on my phone. For me the biggest disruption in my life came with four words, “We found a tumour.”
The uncertainty of what would happen fed my fear which led to anger but it was then I decided to live my life with as little disruption as possible. It was my way of saying Screw You Colon Cancer, you’re not making the rules, I am.
It was a long journey; a trip down a dark and twisty road.
I had to accept that I was not in control of everything. I put my health in the hands of others, people I came to trust and rely on, and embraced the void. It’s strange now, when I think back on it, it feels like those turbulent moments are the very thing that made me appreciate everything I have, physically and metaphysically. I was woken up, and in that time of feeling afraid—of tumours and needles and disease—I felt very alive, and continue to do so to this very day.
I don’t miss feeling like I’m living in someone else’s body, waking up exhausted every day or the sinister tumour that was growing in me. But the disruption that came with all of that woke me up and I can confidently say that the result is not simply about being cancer free but in accepting that change can come in many forms and while it may seem scary at first, it can also lead to many good things.
The worst thing that ever happened to me turned out to be a good thing. It cleared my head and made me realize what was important and what were simply the metaphoric gnats buzzing around my head. It gave me a chance to start again and I’m grateful for it.