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☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 💩 Viva Diarrhea 💩

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Fancy meeting you here. Pull up a chair. This is Miles High Club.

Greetings and TGIF, my angels and sweethearts. I’d be lying if I said I really remembered anything that happened this week—I live from one scam call about my car warranty to the next—but I can almost definitely assure you that time has elapsed since we last hung out.
Wait, there is something: I interviewed JP Brammer, author of a popular advice-column-turned-book, ¡Hola Papi!, over at Vox. He’s a soulful thinker and wonderful human with lots of smart stuff to say about how we can best support one another. I learned so much that maybe I can start giving advice! (Editor’s note: no, I cannot. Ask JP for advice, not me.)
Other literary updates: I read Harrow, the new Joy Williams novel, out in September, and man is it some doozy of a post-collapse fever dream. Good, but not relaxing! Finished it just in time to get on board for the virtual book club that my genius friend Elisa Gabbert is hosting: We’re reading The Emigrants by another favorite author, W.G. Sebald, with a discussion after we’re all done on June 22. Join us, fellow nerds!
Now, here’s a question for you. What’s better than a picture of Guy Fieri chilling with a bunch of sharks? Answer: an edit by Reddit Photoshop champion ORION93 where the sharks all have Fieri’s frosted tips.
Nature is amazing, but...
Nature is amazing, but...
...it can always be improved.
...it can always be improved.
Having settled that, let’s move on to the rest of the newsletter.
Beat This Receipt
As the world reopens for Slutty Summer (yes, I made a playlist), party people are out to prove that they’ll pay anything to socialize like it’s 2019 again. Accordingly, tourist towns like Las Vegas are recouping last year’s losses by gouging them harder than ever.
Behold, a club tab so heinous it reads like a shitpost from an A.I. trained on a dozen seasons of Bravo reality TV:
Investor_NICK
My buddies tab after a day party at Encore Beach Club over MDW ... pent up demand is very very real and Vegas is back. Makes me question why I’m not long $WYNN. https://t.co/FASrsvk8hR
The bottle service scam is old hat; the true magic here is in the nickel-and-dime math. If your chicken finger platter is, at $75, three times more expensive than your order of shrimp ceviche, was it a literal mountain of chicken fingers? Can you legally call an item “street tacos” while charging enough for filet mignon? It’s all demented, and the patrons seem to be allergic to their own money, but I’ll give Encore Beach Club credit: $13 is the absolute funniest price to slap on the small bottles of Fiji water.
Perhaps this is the receipt that finally ousts an infamous one from Salt Bae’s Miami steakhouse as the dumbest of all time. Compare for yourself:
Sure, the gold-encrused wagyu ribeye is nice, but locals know the $80 “spaghetti"—in scare quotes—is the hidden gem of the menu.
Klee Klout
After linking to lots of hentai fan art last week, I’m hesitant to talk about anime-style video games, lest I begin to come across as a weeb. However, this concerns a personal matter: my last name.
Not only had I no idea why my surname would be trending under that topic, I didn’t bother to look into it, confident that if the GamerGate hive had resurrected to harass me off the internet, I would realize it quite soon.
Rather, I came to learn that there’s another, far more popular “Klee” out there—a young girl from the action role-playing game Genshin Impact. What’s more, as a patient fan of the other Klee explained, Twitter’s tab for news on the character had inadvertently promoted me as well.
Meemoo ミームー
@MilesKlee Mr. Klee, I have a question for you.
have you been previously made aware of these 2 girls' existence? https://t.co/eB1e2axUzd
Meemoo ミームー
@MilesKlee In that case, I feel obligated to fill you in on the matter.

The girl shown in the image below is a very popular character in the video game "Genshin Impact". her name is Klee.
Today is the debut of her second event, thus her name trending.
It seems the algorithm has- https://t.co/tPkPL7Zuwx
Meemoo ミームー
@MilesKlee Picked up your account and displayed it on the top of the trend due to your last name. https://t.co/YhuH9ml9r8
Since I was riding Klee’s fanciful coattails to higher engagement, I wanted to learn more—and quickly found that I will never be her equal. According to the Genshin Impact fandom wiki, Klee is an “energetic and outgoing girl,” “has a particular talent for creating explosives” and is known for her habit of “throwing bombs in lakes full of fishes.”
God, I wish that were me. If you’re a fashion consultant who can make me over with this aesthetic, please get in touch.
There I am.
There I am.
Lotta Money in This Shit
No sooner had I acquired $1,000 in cryptocurrency—it’s a long story—than the market took a sustained beating. By now, my gains after a short but intense bull run have been entirely erased. It’s demoralizing, though an important lesson as to the volatility of these tokens.
Frankly, trading in this space is too stressful for me. I crave something more fun and low-stakes. Something kind of… crappy.
Last month, a hot new coin spattered the toilet bowl that is the crypto economy: Diarrhea Coin, or $DIAH, billed as “the most liquid asset ever created.” To date, 420,690,000 coins have been minted, and, as of this writing, they’re trading at $0.0178905, for an impressive market cap of more than $7 million. You can buy it yourself in a matter of minutes.
Like Dogecoin, Diarrhea Coin is amassing power off the strength of memes. Only, instead of the adorable Shiba Inu, $DIAH leans into the power of shitting wetly and uncontrollably. You must understand: this isn’t just a joke about sending a poop currency “to Uranus.” It’s a lifestyle. You notice as much on the official Twitter, Telegram and Discord channels, but the brand truly flourishes on Instagram:
While the suggestion that you can convert loose feces into actual cash may not stand up to scrutiny, there’s no doubt that excrement-based money has a lot of potential. Watch this space!
The future of Wall Street.
The future of Wall Street.
Well, that’s quite enough out of me for this week. As always, feel free to reply with tips, comments, corrections, queries and requests—my readers are my world. A couple have written in to say that they’re starting to dabble in tank tops, which makes me very happy indeed.
Also, Miles High Club has a tip jar: $3 per month helps me out tremendously, and it makes you more attractive to your crush. Upgrade to premium membership here!
Au revoir, and hey, I think it’s time to feed the cat.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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