☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 🦇 The Batman Tongueth 🦇

#7・

Stay up to date, be part of a community and show your support.

28

issues

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
We’re back, baby. Like we never even left. Welcome to Miles High Club.

Howdy, partners, and congrats on having the courage to check your inbox this last day of the working week. It’s been a hot time here in sunny California, but that didn’t stop a few billion people from queuing up to try and get into mask-free Disneyland without the still-required reservation.
You might pity them this waste of an entire day. On the other hand, standing in lines until you get heatstroke is what this fandom is all about.
Personally, I don’t need to hang out with Goofy to enjoy the maskless lifestyle—it’s been a treat just to walk down the sidewalk without my sunglasses fogging up. Also, I much prefer the bottom half of my face to the top, so I’m putting my best chin forward again. I might even remember to smile at some point. Yeah, I’m not going back to Disneyland till they have an attraction based on the Pixar classic Heat (1995).
The Batman Tongueth
The biggest news story of late concerns one of the most popular—and hotly debated—superheroes. Everyone has their take on Batman, but at the end of the day, he’s just intellectual property, and his owners, DC Comics, have ultimate veto power. That’s how we found out that he doesn’t do oral.
Joe Otterson
DC asked the #HarleyQuinn team to remove a scene from Season 3 in which Batman performs oral sex on Catwoman. Why? "Heroes don't do that"
@justin_halpern @PMSchumacker

https://t.co/BSpuc1rjKE https://t.co/jMOC2J6H22
This was a pretty slick move by the producers of the Harley Quinn series. Leak some absurd internal communication as to why Batman can’t give Catwoman dome, and you’ve got yourself a deliberately engineered Streisand Effect: the thing that no one is supposed to be talking about starts trending as the topic du jour, and people who hadn’t heard of your show might tune in to see how edgy it is.
Most of the chatter, though, focused on baseline curiosity: does he or doesn’t he? Tze Chun, who has written and produced the show Gotham, says he absolutely does. Like many others, he cited the design of Batman’s cowl, which not only affords mouth access, but furthermore…
I think that settles the question of if he could, leaving us to ask whether he would. It’s important to reckon with persona here. Whatever Bruce Wayne does in the bedroom is no indication of the Dark Knight’s proclivities. We’re discussing whether Batman gives head, and since this alter-ego is an homage to literal bats, we’ll find our answer in the zoological record.
The science is clear: “Male bats perform oral sex on females, apparently to make sex last longer,” researchers found in 2013, while studying a colony of 420 Indian flying foxes. One member of the team described it as “courtship behavior” for the species. This followed previous observations of female Chinese fruit bats fellating their male partners.
Actual bat porn.
Actual bat porn.
All this, mind you, is rather unusual for non-human animals. It’s a highly specific bat habit. So if the Batman is true to his namesake, he has to be putting his tongue to good use. Hell, with the way bats hang upside-down, he probably 69s, too. Did you really think Catwoman would be satisfied with licking herself? Grow up!
A good Tinder pic if anyone needs it.
A good Tinder pic if anyone needs it.
Niece Work If You Can Get It
You may recall that Noor Bin Ladin, the 34-year-old niece of terrorist Osama Bin Laden, came out in support of Trump ahead of the 2020 election, claiming that only he could prevent another 9/11. Why, oh why didn’t we heed her endorsement? Is it too late to overturn the results?
Not according to her. The QAnon-aligned conspiracist still believes Trump won, and demonstrated as much with the former president’s favorite kind of political theater: waving a big flag from a boat.
Newsweek
Noor bin Ladin, Osama bin Laden’s niece, waves around a “Trump Won” banner while aboard a boat on Lake Geneva the day before President Joe Biden held a summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Geneva. https://t.co/f73Uk6IIFf
With the rumpled wet loser himself unable to post on social media, we can’t say how he feels about Noor being a spokeswoman for the big lie. However, the far-right grifters are very into it. Which led to this hilarious complaint from Cassandra Fairbanks of The Gateway Pundit.
Cassandra Fairbanks
It kind of annoys me that everyone mentions her uncle when talking about her.
Well, Cassandra, if you want to side with the political movement that aims to profile, deport and brutalize non-white people out of sheer racial resentment, I’m not sure you can complain when the media notes that one of your prominent activists has a familial link to the most notorious mass murderer of our age. In fact, nepotism is the only reason you’ve ever heard of her! If only one of my uncles would plan and commit an atrocity, I could be raking it in and cruising around Europe too.
Tank Talk
Last month I was in the thrift store and came across a beautiful shirt—a soft, roomy XXL with ideal imagery on the front. It wasn’t a tank top, but no matter: the moment I got it home, I cut the sleeves off.
To me, this was a real “it’s over for you hoes” moment. I was confident that no matter where or when I wore a homemade tank advertising 1999’s steamiest film for slavering teens, I would be met with stunned admiration. After all, who else even owns such a garment?
But something even better happened. I discovered the secret cult of the Cruel Intentions shirt—a cult that continues to grow.
bony king
@pxlsicle @david_mastrine you got the shirt? I’m down for a club and/or annual conference
mock duck
@MilesKlee @david_mastrine Sure do. It’s gotta be in like my top three shirts. We can rent a VFW hall.
mock duck
@MilesKlee @david_mastrine Saw mine on a target clearance rack all alone. Walked out of the store, thought “what am I doing?”, went right back in. It was a large. We’ve been together since.
David Mastrine
@pxlsicle @MilesKlee Don’t even remember where I got mine, I think it was Etsy? It’s a medium and I am really liking that sleeveless look, although I could never do that to mine. https://t.co/CI8XNHdaFM
UFO truther (big frisbee)
@pxlsicle @MilesKlee @david_mastrine This is so fucking weird I saw someone wearing this exact shirt at work today?????? ??
chingy nea
Now I just need a hollowed out rosary full of ketamine https://t.co/ySnWw8MEvN
I don’t have any other movie shirts, and I’m not entirely sure why Cruel Intentions works so well as clothing. It may just be the right combination of nostalgia and horniness. There’s power in covering your chest with extremely hot actors in their youthful prime. You feel almost invincible.
But seriously, go buy the shirt. One day we’re going to rent out a theater for a group event, and you better believe we’ll have a dress code.
bony king
@pxlsicle @david_mastrine I can’t wait to all watch the movie together while wearing the shirt
OK, I should save some content for next week. Hit me up with any tips, comments, corrections, queries or requests—I’ll be refreshing my inbox constantly because I love hearing from you so much.
Also, Miles High Club has a tip jar: $3 per month is a blessing for me and excellent karma for you. Upgrade to premium membership here!
I leave you with a very normal question from Quora, which I guarantee will be stuck in your head the entire weekend. Ciao!
Don’t miss out on the other issues by Miles Klee
Did you enjoy this issue? Yes No
Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

You can manage your subscription here.
In order to unsubscribe, click here.
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Created with Revue by Twitter.