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Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Did you miss me? I missed you. This is Miles High Club.

Hello again, and wow, do I feel normal! Over the holiday weekend, I enjoyed a family pool party, a pizza picnic in the park (after seeing a few rabbits, we were briefly menaced by a skunk), and a vigorous round of tennis followed by beers at a local brewery—where I was recognized by a Twitter mutual. She didn’t say hi, but I should note that unlike other celebs around LA, I’m very approachable, especially if you have a dog I can pet.
No context, just Nugget Chihuahua.
No context, just Nugget Chihuahua.
However, by the time Tuesday rolled around, it hit me: I’d been enjoying Memorial Day Weekend so much that I forgot to respect the troops. In hopes of not being deported for unpatriotic conduct, I will now give an official shoutout to my favorite troop of all time.
Corporal Pounder with Cheese
This Facebook screenshot has been in circulation for at least a year, and it’s the kind of post that tests your barometer for sincerity. But the more you study it, the more certain you become that it’s not a joke, and that people actually behave in such a manner, for these exact reasons:
Weird, all I can see is a floating torso.
Weird, all I can see is a floating torso.
Think it’s embarrassing to stand in a formal military position while waiting to buy a Wendy’s Baconator? Not as embarrassing as it would be for your wife if people thought her hubby was only wearing tactical camouflage pants as a fashion statement! Show some discipline!
Given that National Guard members report for duty just a couple days per month, it seems like a lot of civilian hours to spend with a figurative stick up your ass, but who am I to talk? My posture is terrible. Thank you, sir, for keeping us safe from salads.
As for why I believe this is authentic cringe: I just joined a private Facebook group called “imagine being so boring that you think your spouse’s job defines you,” where users share all kinds of similar stuff. The greatest offenders are married to cops or soldiers, but there’s honestly no job you can’t glom onto as a domestic partner…
Special delivery.
Special delivery.
Samsung Waifu
Speaking of wives, we need to discuss a deeply irresponsible piece of marketing: the alleged new Samsung “virtual assistant,” Sam.
Noble
Samsung just made a hot virtual assistant named "Sam", and in one fell swoop, they captured every weeb and r34 artist https://t.co/67kGXg638m
When you’ve been losing the battle with Apple this long, there’s bound to be a breaking point, and here it is: a computer-generated secretary who’s half anime, half Pixar mom. As soon as Sam made her debut, the slavering masses founded a couple of subreddits to host pornographic fan art of her: r/SamsungGirlRule34 and r/Samsunghentai.
Do not click those links unless you want to see a cartoon woman using a smartphone as a vibrator.
Interestingly, Samsung itself has yet to confirm Sam as an official mascot of any sort. The model was created by a visual design team collaborating with an advertising subsidiary of the tech giant, but they pulled the art from their web pages after the perverts took it viral.
Of course, there’s no closing that Pandora’s box, so maybe Samsung should just lean in. At least this way nobody’s objectifying a real person.
Tank Talk
Previously on Tank Talk, we’ve discussed items in my personal collection. But since my household has embarked on a rewatch of MTV’s Jersey Shore, I want to dig into the tank top representation on the iconic show.
First you have Ronnie. His preferred tank look is clean, simple, utilitarian—the guns are the show, the tank is just for contrast. It works for him, but the solid gray, black, white rotation feels stale after a while. It’s pretty much just underwear, lacking pizzaz. I’ll give him a 6/10 on himbo power alone.
I’ll say it: I don’t like The Situation. I suppose the house needs a villain, but he’ll always be irritating—maybe in part because he prefers bedazzled T-shirts or a nude torso to the subtle elegance of a tank top. No class. 0/10.
Vinny, as the chillest dude, has a natural connection to the tank. He’s keeping it comfortable and casual, just like his persona. Rarely wearing a conversation piece, but hey, he’s not one to crave attention. A vibe. 8/10.
I hate to give a DJ credit, but Pauly washes the competition here. Not only does he reinvent the game by double-layering his tanks(?!), he’s confident enough to rock the dumbest thing they sell on the boardwalk: a graphic tank combining the Italian flag, the Cadillac logo and the outline of New Jersey. This is the highest expression of tank culture. 10/10.
The women, meanwhile, have a tank dynamic all their own. I’m not sure I have the authority to speak on it yet. Will report back after more episodes.
Cancel Court
The internet degrades over time, leaving mysteries behind. Yet old receipts, shorn of original context, are often the basis for “cancelation"—the vague consensus that a public figure should face a painful reckoning.
For example, why did R.L. Stine, beloved author of the Goosebumps series and other horror books for kids, tweet this opinion a decade ago?
R.L. Stine
..it's perfectly acceptable--and hilarious-- to ridicule a child.
In fact, no one is trying to cancel Stine for this comment—most who resurface it are enthusiastically agreeing with the sentiment. Still, it’s the kind of ancient post that can get you in trouble, and Stine did have to defend himself, claiming he said the opposite of what the tweet says.
What happened here? It’s simple: Twitter didn’t have threads until 2014, so Stine’s puzzling comment is isolated from the sequence of tweets that came before it. In reality, he was defending none other than Rebecca Black, a teen whose pop song and music video “Friday” was then the laughingstock of the web. Stine was appalled by this “bullying.” But that 140-character limit broke his train of thought in the most unfortunate way.
Verdict: INNOCENT! He’s a nice guy, and a leading moral authority: years later, the internet atoned for the effects of their mockery on Rebecca Black’s mental health, and celebrated “Friday” as a classic bop. If only we’d listened to Stine back then, we might’ve sped up the process.
That’s all for this week. Remember that you can always reply to these emails with tips, comments, corrections, queries and requests—I’d love to hear from you. Want to send me cool free junk? Drop a line.
A humble reminder, finally, that Miles High Club has a tip jar: three bucks a month really helps to keep this going. Plus you’ll start receiving paid-only content. Upgrade to premium membership here!
Ta for now, and don’t forget: cicadas are seafood.
Ana Cabrera
JUST IN: FDA says to avoid eating cicadas “if you’re allergic to seafood”
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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