☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 🐀 Rebel Rat 🐀

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Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Don’t look away. This is Miles High Club.

Aloha from sunny Oregon! I’m writing this week’s newsletter at a coffee shop in Portland, so picture me at my whitest — almost translucent.
It was also very white of me to appear on the latest episode of Masters of Our Domain, a U.K. podcast devoted to Seinfeld. We covered the one where the gang all have adventures on the subway (before it was constantly flooded). And while I am no sports expert, I did have the opportunity to explain the difference between the Yankees and the Mets.
Masters of Our Domain Podcast
S3 E13 "The Subway": @MilesKlee joins @PrhRoy & @Milo_Edwards to discuss British hospital dramas alongside Jerry's grudge against bumper cars and other forms of public transport...

Apple:
https://t.co/i4aIVe5rmo

Google:
https://t.co/L3vGN2vpK9

Spotify:
https://t.co/ta56B8tlNy https://t.co/WKGij3dlzj
Having spent the past few days in the rural part of this state, where the internet likes to quit early and crack open a high-ABV beer, I don’t have a ton to share today, but let’s see what I can scrounge up. Come along, and yeah, masks are optional — though recommended — for this part.
Nextdoor IRL
Nextdoor, the social media network where yuppies freak out whenever Ring camera footage shows a homeless person grazing their front hedge with a shopping cart, is a toxic place. Citizen, the “vigilante” app now paying users to livestream crime and emergency scenes, is even worse.
In these times of digital paranoia and surveillance, it’s nice to see certain neighbors keeping things real. As in, real fuckin’ loony. This, from Reddit, is a comprehensive index of guests unwelcome at a particular domicile:
I find it utterly hypnotizing, because the longer you look, the stranger it gets. Start at the very beginning: you’d assume the Clintons are on the blacklist for a homeowner like this, and toward the top. But why are the magicians Penn and Teller ahead of them?
Hillary Swank is on there twice.
Hillary Swank is on there twice.
Big fan of how the entire British royal family are bracketed off, but also, “CHICAGO PEOPLE” is an inspired entry, improved only by the addition of “The Roots” directly underneath:
I don't want Jimmy Fallon stopping by either.
I don't want Jimmy Fallon stopping by either.
Where to start with these next pages. “Bradley Pitt.” The question marks after “Matt Damon” and “Ben Affleck,” and the heart after “Mark Wahlberg.” Alfonso Ribeiro is on here? Really? From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? What did Carlton do to you??
The irony is that Nic Cage is going to play this guy in a movie.
The irony is that Nic Cage is going to play this guy in a movie.
Seems the only way I can get some answers is to go up there myself and ask. Which would obviously get me on the list. Hey, it’s good exposure.
Table for Two
Hollywood has duped us into believing that a man bringing his sex doll around in public like a girlfriend is kind of cute and quirky. But once you see a dude enjoying margaritas at Applebees with a humanoid piece of plastic he routinely puts his dick in, the illusion falls apart.
Clock the expression from the server on the left, who just knows the host seated these customer(s) in her section as an act of petty revenge.
"Are the nachos a good size to share?"
"Are the nachos a good size to share?"
I don’t know what else to say except: 1) better to do this in a high-end restaurant and upset a lot of food snobs, and 2) everyone working in the service industry is a literal saint. Tip them well.
Rebel Rat
One of my favorite musicians, the late Tom Petty, in 2015 wrote a very good apology for having flown the Confederate flag while touring his album Southern Accents. We have yet to see the same contrition from Chuck E. Cheese, a traitorous vermin and purveyor of disgusting pizza.
db
Chuck E. Cheese used to fly the confederate flag https://t.co/0eXZ2rCLj2
Wild choice for the franchise. Not only was this, the first venue, located in San Jose, California — hardly noted for its connection to the Civil War — but until it was taken down in the late 1980s, the Confederate flag was one of just four on display, claiming equal status with the flags representing the United States, the individual state, and… Italy. Mamma mia.
A veritable United Nations.
A veritable United Nations.
Also, the flags waved themselves to the music of Chuck E. Cheese’s horrific animatronic band, so go ahead and imagine that birthday party for a 10-year-old. I do hope Republicans furious about the removal of Confederate monuments start a big stink over the rollerblading rat who “canceled” this part of American history.
Seth☭
@dbessner I can't believe Robert E Lee's full name was Robert Entertainment Lee
Whew, I’m tapped out, and late for the tattoo-and-shave I scheduled here in this hipster paradise. Send me any kind of reply or unhinged question your little heart desires, and remember you can toss me $3 a month if that feels like a sound investment. Link is at the bottom.
I’ll leave you with an iconic Nextdoor post from my own neighborhood.
Damn, that sounds really hard for you.
Damn, that sounds really hard for you.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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