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☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ ✝️ Jesus Ween ✝️

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
I swear it’s not what it looks like. This is Miles High Club.

Hey there, and don’t worry, not even a second week of Kidney Person drama could get me to talk about that story (beyond this brief mention, anyway). I don’t value my tenuous sanity all that much, but even I have limits. Instead of dwelling on the literary unpleasantness, we should be looking forward to better things — for example, Vol. 7 of the beautiful stoner magazine Gossamer, which includes an essay from yours truly on the curious electric phenomenon of the static shock. If that’s not enough enticement, well, it also comes in a fuzzy cover. Pre-order here!
Now then, it’s mid-October, meaning we’re well into what the internet has aggressively rebranded as “spooky season.” Maybe you’ve even cooked up a Halloween costume already. But before you commit, let me ask you this:
Have you heard the good news?
Jesus Ween
Every Halloween, I wrestle with the pagan influence of the holiday. Am I worshipping foul spirits? Will I go to hell for attending a party in the silver scorpion jacket that Ryan Gosling wears in Drive (2011)? And so on.
Thank god, I finally stumbled upon an alternative:
Charles Johnson
They should have given a little more thought to the name. https://t.co/wCSDJhSqgC
Visiting JesusWeen.com, which is not a porn site, you are immediately put at ease by its calm and reasonable tone: “Every year,” we’re told, “the world and its system have a day set aside to celebrate ungodly images and evil characters while some Christians all over the world either participate, hide or just stay quiet in fear during the Halloween celebrations.”
So true! When Oct. 31st rolls around, Christ’s true disciples lock their doors and turn the lights off, then keep a night-long vigil against 9-year-olds dressed like SpongeBob SquarePants and characters from Fortnite.
Instead, the JesusWeen movement suggests, the faithful should be spreading the gospel to unbelievers. Which I imagine leads to your house getting skipped a lot. But! According to the FAQs, it’s fine to give out candy “in addition to the tracts and Bibles” you’re distributing to local youth and their heathen parents. Phew, saved yourself an egging.
I plan to have a bowl of flies as well. Just in case…
Bear With Me
Somewhere in the middle of the pandemic, a few pals and I started a Dungeons & Dragons campaign over Zoom. It was my first time trying the game, so I don’t know how it usually goes, but my friends love to argue more than cooperate, so we got our asses kicked a fair amount. It probably didn’t help that one of us insisted on playing as a literal whale. No, we never did get a good explanation of why he wanted this. Or how the whale was able to journey over land. Or why it cared about the quest at all.
Anyway, I realize now he should have made his character a bear.
You know something? Nerds are among the happiest people on this earth.
These Flags Are Making Me Thirsty
Since the far right are always ruining perfectly nice symbols like Pepe the Frog and the “OK” hand gesture, it’s only fair that we co-opt that awful “Thin Blue Line” flag, which signals support of police brutality.
I, for one, choose to stand with Taco Bell.
🍲 a SPOOKY bowl of metroid soup 🍲
the Thin Baja Blast Line represents our hard working Taco Bell workers who put their lives on the line every day serving us delicious gut-wrenching food, providing Baja Blast for the masses, and saying "no i do not know when potatoes are coming back" all for like $10/hour https://t.co/tQzwnVG60j
You may think it’s a silly anti-cop meme that happens to be free advertising for a Pepsi product. And I wouldn’t disagree. Consider this, however: sometimes the Thin Baja Blast Line makes it onto the uniform of an unwitting authoritarian goon, simply because colors are confusing.
Which is quite the self-own.
Dave Brown
A National Guardsman is seen wearing a "thin blue line" patch near the Capitol today

📷 @StephenVoss @politico https://t.co/vWx7PoEQ05
Wesley Morgan
Not a slam-dunk but here is the analysis of a friend who I had run it through the ol’ computer machine https://t.co/dCWgjs8Kk7
T
@wesleysmorgan I do a lot of embroidery, and the color on the left looks like Madeira 1093, which is as close as they get to a pure cyan. Most thin blue line patches I've seen use the 1134, which is more of a dark royal. This was the parody version, I'm pretty damn sure.
Should boot camp and police academy include art class requirements? Might be a fun way to weed out the worst of the worst. Until then, we can keep laughing at these accidental Baja Bois.
Department of Corrections
Last week’s newsletter incorrectly identified a Pittsburgh Steelers fan who had pooped his pants at a game as a Green Bay Packers fan who had pooped his pants at a game. Miles High Club regrets the error but still largely refuses to tell the difference between NFL teams.
Also, if anyone can help salvage my fantasy season, please respond.
We’ll cut it off there—thanks as always for reading, and don’t hesitate to tell me whatever’s on your beautiful mind. The link to tip $3 a month for this important periodical is at the bottom of the email.
Holler at you all again soon. Or I’ll see you in hell. Either way.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

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