, which is not a porn site, you are immediately put at ease by its calm and reasonable tone: “Every year,” we’re told, “the world and its system have a day set aside to celebrate ungodly images and evil characters while some Christians all over the world either participate, hide or just stay quiet in fear during the Halloween celebrations.”
So true! When Oct. 31st rolls around, Christ’s true disciples lock their doors and turn the lights off, then keep a night-long vigil against 9-year-olds dressed like SpongeBob SquarePants and characters from Fortnite.
Instead, the JesusWeen movement suggests, the faithful should be spreading the gospel to unbelievers. Which I imagine leads to your house getting skipped a lot. But! According to the FAQs, it’s fine to give out candy “in addition to the tracts and Bibles” you’re distributing to local youth and their heathen parents. Phew, saved yourself an egging.
I plan to have a bowl of flies as well. Just in case…