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☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 🏠 In This House 🏠

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Welcome to Miles High Club. This will only hurt a little.

How I’ve missed you, readers, and non-readers who haven’t gotten around to unsubscribing yet. I will get straight to it: in this house we believe a few things. Like what? Uh, science. Yeah, science. And love, definitely love as well. Love is love, that’s a fact. Did we say Black Lives Matter? OK, that too. And women’s rights, can’t forget those.
Is that everything?
Damn, this family really went for the “Democrat But Hates Mexicans” edit on the ol’ kindness-and-rainbows lawn sign. I never trusted a household with one of these things out front — a little performative, as we know — but when you’re crossing items off, why even bother? Buy a lifted truck and fly your thin blue line flag. At least you’re probably vaccinated. Right??
Thanks, meanwhile, to Elizabeth, friend of the newsletter, who spotted this superior lawn decoration at what looks to be a way nicer house.
2020 in Review
It’s October, spooky season, and we’re nearing the end of 2021. Hahahaha! I feel so normal about that! However, this means we are now far enough from the events of 2020 to understand them more clearly.
In my opinion, if you were to write the history, you could skip the whole pandemic and use this picture of a guy with a rocket launcher at Subway.
Photo by Travis Long/@vizjourno
Photo by Travis Long/@vizjourno
This fellow — who definitely packed a tactical ruler to measure his footlong tuna sub — was one of several heavily armed men expressing their anger over North Carolina’s stay-at-home orders in May of 2020. I like to imagine even his buddies were like, “Ronnie, you didn’t have to bring the rocket launcher, now we all look crazy.”
This picture, by Travis Long of The News & Observer, is still so good. It haunts me. That was 2020, all right: a deadly disease outbreak, no end in sight, and our solution was to bring anti-tank weaponry into sandwich shops, and yes, I’ll get the meal combo, with a chocolate chip cookie. [High-fiving other dudes with guns.]
My god, why can’t the Second Amendment nuts step in when the government is actually overreaching?
One of the most sought boudoir photographers in the Southeast and champion barrel racer Matt Mathews is fighting back after he says state officials swarmed his property and took his opossum.
Tank Talk
This week, I was browsing at a certain thrift store in West Hollywood that, due to the neighborhood, sells a lot of men’s clothing designed for twinks, or otherwise emblazoned with LGBTQ pride slogans — and sometimes a bit of risqué humor.
Even so, this got a double take from me. I didn’t buy it, but maybe I should have. I can’t imagine finding it anywhere else, ever again.
Should you like to own this tank top, and believe you would wear it in public — as the former owner apparently could not — please let me know. I promise to go back to the store, and, providing it’s still there, buy it, then mail it to you. I want to make this happen. I want it to go to the right person.
Failing that, I would like to donate it to a museum.
Bread Dead Redemption
I considered writing something about the pregsicle, but since that’s a fake prank for clout, I figured our attention would be better spent considering the hobby of stapling bread to trees.
Nearly 300,000 people are following the subreddit r/BreadStapledToTrees, and I’m one of them. You simply can’t beat the satisfaction of sourdough affixed by wire fastener to a majestic oak.
Or, if you’re the ambitious type…
Don’t you love nature? I’m not sure what negative impacts, if any, this has on the environment — other than keeping squirrels carbo-loaded — but I’d much prefer teens defile the woods instead of menacing me on their skateboards outside 7-Eleven. C'mon, I need my Doritos!
In the same forum, you can watch a disgusting clip of a guy feeding his cockroaches a slice of bread, though I’ll let you click that for yourself. There are also helpful instructions if you want in on the “weird craze.”
I shudder to think what’s next. Maybe they’ll staple toast to a tree.
I must sign off, but thank you as ever for being part of Miles High Club, and reach out for any reason you see fit. The link to become a paying subscriber — only $3 a month — is at the bottom of the email.
Until I clog your inbox again, all best, and remember the wisdom of Drake: there’s no talking during independent reading time.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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