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☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 💧 Dumb Water Diaries 💧

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Surprise! I’m still doing this. Welcome to Miles High Club.

Greetings, fellow Earthlings. Isn’t it wonderful to be stuck on this rock? Thank god the weekend is here. Finally time to crack open a cold one:
Babies deserve the best.
Babies deserve the best.
Sure, it’s a joke, but how long before a Silicon Valley startup tries to sell caffeinated baby food to millennial gig workers as an efficient lunch substitute? It can’t be worse than “hot dog salad,” a grotesque and confusing dish you can learn more about in my dear friend Marisa’s recently-launched newsletter, For the Group Chat.
My honest opinion? That recipe needs more gelatin. Like this:
A well-rounded meal.
A well-rounded meal.
Enough food horror, I’ll be banned from the platform if this continues. We can discuss other topics.
Cockblocked Astronaut
Jeff Bezos got lots of attention this week as an extremely divorced billionaire with an inflatable face who traveled outside Earth’s atmosphere in a giant dick and put on a cowboy hat to delegate some token philanthropic gestures. All of it horrible, but I did enjoy this one guy begging, in vain, for everyone else to stop making penis jokes.
S.V. Dáte
Is everyone on this web site a 12-year-old boy?

There is a reason rockets look the way they do. It has to with fluid dynamics.
Yes, if you want people to pull their minds out of the gutter, the phrase “fluid dynamics” should do it.
However, I want to talk about a rich freak who didn’t climb aboard a big space-cock. That would be Ashton Kutcher.
Ashton Kutcher says he sold his ticket on a Virgin Galactic flight into space because his wife, Mila Kunis, persuaded him that it wasn't a "smart family decision."
Why is it so funny to me that this former Hollywood star, who in the next phase of his career began a media company that plagiarized from other news sites, was forced by his very hot actress wife to return that rocket ticket for a refund? Perhaps because I can so vividly imagine the argument as dialogue from their teen characters on That ‘70s Show.
Michael! You are not going into space, and that’s final!”
“Aw, Jackie, babe, come on!”
“You know how I hate aliens.”
“We won’t even see any… I think.”
“Oh, you think? That’s new.”
And so on. Unfortunately, Mila won’t be DMing me for emotional support. For all the couple’s disagreement over a trip to space, she and Ashton reportedly have some astrological harmony going on.
Lousy planets.
Dumb Water Diaries
Twitter followers know that one of my favorite things to do in any drug store, convenience mart or gas station shop (if you’re a New Yorker, I’m talking about a bodega) is to pick out the dumbest bottled water they sell.
Bottled water is already dumb, but companies that produce it have figured out ways to aestheticize and market plain old H2O that are dumber still.
It all began last summer, with what some have termed “Dracula Water.”
deliberately bought the dumbest bottled water i could find
I have nothing against the Carpathian Mountains. That said, give me a break. “Nature’s Most Perfect Water”? This is seriously dumb water.
Here are a few more signature dumb waters:
Throughout my survey of dumb waters, I have been routinely asked to review one in particular: Liquid Death. Maybe you’ve seen it around.
This water comes in tallboy cans and has a punk and/or skater design. The tagline is “Murder Your Thirst.” I have heard, from industry sources, that other beverage makers consider it a viable threat.
Online, however, it is mainly ridiculed for trying too hard.
But why haven’t I weighed in on this drink before now? Because the CEO of the company I used to work for was a major investor, and I didn’t want to end up in some kind of water war with my boss. You know how it is.
Today, however, I can speak the truth. It sucks. It’s so fucking bad. It tastes exactly like the can it comes in. I’ve not sampled the sparkling version, only the still, but man was it terrible. The best you can say is that Liquid Death isn’t aggressively contributing to plastic pollution.
Otherwise, I agree with Chris W. here:
Feels good to have someone validate your experience, doesn’t it.
Fedora the Explorer
Without giving away what I’m working on for my “job” at the moment, I wanted to relay a curious discovery. It appears that the subreddit r/fedoras, which caters to “people with an interest in brimmed hats,” has been private for many years. One must apply to read it.
This is rather unusual for Reddit.
What secrets lie within...
What secrets lie within...
My hunch is that long ago, when fedoras became synonymous with a certain archetype — the overcompensating nerd — this forum was flooded with trolls. It is not my intention to do the fedora community harm, and I believe, quite honestly, that any fedora enthusiast who survived the crucible of anti-fedora memes is a stronger person than I.
However, I still want to see what they’re doing in there.
Fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed.
This is the most I’ve sweated any undercover assignment. Despite my goodwill, I think they’ll sniff me out as a fake fedora friend. Suddenly the shoe is on the other foot, and I’m seeking the approval of a group that was nearly mocked out of existence? Wild. They have my respect.
But seriously, let me in. The world is dying to know which fedoras are hot in 2021. You can’t hide forever.
A fedora worn by Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom sold for $300,000 at auction.
I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m getting the light. As always, you can decide whether or not to chuck me $3 a month for this little weekly diversion. Just scroll to the bottom for the link to sign up. It’ll be like I’m a Renaissance painter and you’re a demented pope.
Much love, and beware what happens when you listen to Pitbull.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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