View profile

☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 🐗 Boss Hog 🐗

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
I told you that wasn’t the last of me. This is Miles High Club.

Hello, everyone, and I hope you’re staying cool as the world catches fire.
I, too, am disappointed that Richard Branson’s space plane didn’t explode with him aboard, but whaddayagonnado. While the billionaires are rocketing out of the atmosphere, the rest of us are stuck on budget airlines where you get duct-taped to your seat just for biting a flight attendant and trying to open a door mid-flight. What happened to free speech?
What they do to me when I order a seventh drink.
What they do to me when I order a seventh drink.
I feel like there’s a lot to get through this week, plus I didn’t start writing till the absolute last minute, so let’s get on with it!
Don't Dress Up as Spider-Man
Just some practical advice here, nothing more: there seems to be a curse that befalls anyone dressing up as Spider-Man for a children’s birthday party. I’m not sure why this is, but I do remember being a kid, and, along with many other kids, pelting a Spider-Man performer with water balloons.
What usually goes wrong is that “Spider-Man” will attempt a flip and land on his head. Like in this performance, which starts out well…
An unforgettable afternoon.
An unforgettable afternoon.
Or check out this guy, who tries some fancy footwork on the wall…
Points for creativity.
Points for creativity.
And then there’s a dude who I really think was attempting to flip for the very first time. Love the confidence, however.
Content warning: it’s brutal.
Different shoes next time?
Different shoes next time?
These injuries are almost to be expected, however. What would truly surprise you is if great-value Spidey dove into a pool, came back up for air, and then realized he was being waterboarded by his own sodden mask.
Note the kids splashing him as he struggles to get out:
That wasn't very "superhero" of you.
That wasn't very "superhero" of you.
I hope a future Marvel movie references this pattern, if only to convince people to stop endangering their lives by wearing that costume.
A Warm Welcome
Hear me out: what if you did this welcome mat on purpose, and made it slightly yellower? Might be a great icebreaker for dinner party guests.
Feeling right at home.
Feeling right at home.
Just a thought. Not saying I would buy one. (Yes I would.)
Boss Hog
Not long ago, friends of the newsletter Graham and Maddy sent along this amazing review of a portable bluetooth speaker. The customer gives it a middling score — three stars — which is generous if you consider the severity of their complaint: the speaker isn’t loud enough to attract hogs.
The hog cannot hear the hoggener.
The hog cannot hear the hoggener.
I had no idea I could play something besides thot music on my portable speaker. This found poetry inspired me to look up negative reviews of hog-calling apps, and I came across some very pissed-off hunters.
My favorites include this fellow griping that the audio software can’t override his phone’s ‘mute’ setting…
Reject modernity.
Reject modernity.
…as well as someone with the handle “horse kock,” who delivers an aesthetic critique in his withering takedown:
Drag them, king.
Drag them, king.
What a shitshow. Hogs must be loving it.
Tank Talk
I’m embarrassed to say I broke my own record for “amount of money spent on a tank top,” having no choice but to cop a hypebeast racing singlet with the cover of Sonic Youth’s Goo on it — a perverse amalgamation of Gen X and Millennial energy. No, I’m not telling you how much it cost. What matters is that it’s extremely lightweight and I will run a 10K in it.
Saw you from the other side of the track and liked your vibe.
Saw you from the other side of the track and liked your vibe.
I’m sharing the image above to satisfy the reader who told me I was slacking on the tank pics. Hope you like. I’m about to get canceled for promoting male manipulator music, but it’s 100% worth it.
Friends We Made Along the Way
Apologies for those who already saw my tweets on this, I just cannot end the newsletter without including the galaxy-brained Quora fan fiction detailing what the friends of the show Friends would have done on 9/11.
The only thing more insane than the answer is the question.
Needless to say, I’m planning to lucid dream about this so I can round out more of the “Friends but with international terrorism” universe.
Speaking of, it’s getting late here, so let’s end on the high note of Ross using his knowledge of paleontology to administer first aid.
Annoying reminder that Miles High Club has a tip jar: $3 per month is a nice reminder that you value and respect me. Upgrade to premium membership right here!
Toodle-oo, and don’t forget to pray for spunch bob.
That can't be good.
That can't be good.
Don’t miss out on the other issues by Miles Klee
Did you enjoy this issue? Yes No
Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

You can manage your subscription here.
In order to unsubscribe, click here.
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Created with Revue by Twitter.