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☁️ Miles High Club ☁️ 🐝 Bee the Change 🐝

Miles Klee
Miles Klee
Yeah, you came to the right place. This is Miles High Club.

What’s up, sweaty people? I’m blasting the A/C every day, and, against all medical advice, rewatching True Detective Season 2. It’s way funnier than you remember. Colin Farrell likens vaping to “suckin’ a robot’s dick.” A+.
To me, this is television.
To me, this is television.
Also, maybe it’s month 17 of quarantine or whatever we’re doing, but I’m suddenly open to the prospect of moving. Should I get fully Zillow-pilled? On the one hand, it feels like an extreme reaction to my circumstances. But, on the other, I would love to have a family-size toilet.
The more the merrier.
The more the merrier.
Actually, never mind. I don’t do well with major change. Better to make the small adjustments in daily life. Here’s one idea:
Okay, enough of this. Some guy unsubscribed and sent me an irate email when I joked about diarrhea, and I can’t relive that nightmare again.
Toy Division
I’ve matured in my time on the internet beat, thanks in part to newsroom colleagues like Aja Romano. Years ago, they counseled me not to dismiss web fanfiction as an idle perversion of existing intellectual property, but to recognize the possibilities of the medium.
I am so glad I heeded this advice, because now I can share with you the greatest crossover I’ve read to date, a work of prose that demonstrates exactly how marvelous the alchemy of fanfic really is. Written by user decondecon for the well-known site Archive of Our Own (or ‘AO3’), it asks a heady question: “Can the Care Bears™ Save Ian Curtis?
That is, can 1980s plushie toy characters prevent the tragic suicide of the lead singer of the legendary post-punk band Joy Division?
Too cute.
Too cute.
So much to love here. The faithful trademarks. The time machine workaround, of course. And the sheer success of the mission! Never a moment of doubt that the multicolored bears would carry it off.
How do I escape to this timeline? Please… take me with you…
I guess we lost New Order. But, worth it.
I guess we lost New Order. But, worth it.
The story just gets better, and the last line is my favorite of all. I encourage you to read the whole thing. If you care to.
Bee the Change You Want to See
The time has come to discuss the police. Don’t worry: in this report, they’re the ones brutalized. And the specifics may surprise you!
#BREAKING Multiple Rochester Police officers were injured chasing a suspect Wednesday night. One has a broken leg. The rest were stung by bees.
I don’t care how pro-cop you are — that is a hilarious headline. I fully believe that cops laughed at it, too, including some in the same department. The guy who broke his leg did so by jumping a fence (very badass), and as for the insect-assaulted: “Several other officers, while assisting that officer, were stung by several bees — that they — found a nest, and were stung by several bees,” according to a lieutenant.
Gosh, I hope there wasn’t any amusing novelty song playing!
The primary suspect also got away, which makes me hope that Rochester PD considers bringing the entire hive in for questioning. After all, they could be accomplices.
Only one of us is going extinct.
Only one of us is going extinct.
Moderna Madness
Earlier this year, America underwent yet another fascinating schism. We chose sides based on which of the coronavirus vaccines we received, with the major players being Pfizer and Moderna. In time, Pfizer was regarded as the “hot girl” vax, while Moderna had more of a “dirtbag” vibe.
My, how the tables have turned.
San Francisco Chronicle
Moderna's COVID vaccine could be significantly more effective than Pfizer's against the delta variant, according to a study of more than 50,000 patients in the Mayo Clinic Health System.
In the spring, we had nothing on which to base our vaccine stereotypes, which was part of the fun. But the Pfizer crew overplayed their hand by identifying as the elite snobs. It’s like they’d never seen a college comedy! Their condescension to my people, the scrappy Moderna Gang, left them karmically vulnerable to a newer strain of COVID-19.
Let that be a lesson: bullies never prosper.
Max Rebo’s Roadie
Moderna gang form up in the replies, we need to show those Pfizer snobs we mean business
Mission accomplished. But for real, Pfizer pfriends, I hope you are staying healthy. And if you want to switch to Moderna on the third dose, we support you. As long as there’s a public apology.
Time for me to log the hell off, yeah? As always, reply with literally anything that pops into your head. Last week, someone asked for a recording of my voice so that they’d know exactly how to read the tone of this newsletter, which is the mindset I love in an audience: crazed. Should you find yourself that obsessed, the link to tip me $3 a month is at the bottom of this email.
Until next time, stay cool, and the blessings of Jackie Chan be upon you.
Strongly agree.
Strongly agree.
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Miles Klee
Miles Klee @milesklee

Internet nonsense and chill vibes.

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