View profile

The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #9

NEXT WEEK on Jan 23 = rare nyc headlining set so come on out!!! LeClerc Andre and Rachel McCartney op
The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #9
By Matt Ruby • Issue #9 • View online
NEXT WEEK on Jan 23 = rare nyc headlining set so come on out!!! LeClerc Andre and Rachel McCartney opening up. here is link to tix. shows there sell out so get on it.

Rare NYC headlining set.
Rare NYC headlining set.
Nothing is more NYC than when a Muslim person wishes a Jew a Merry Xmas.
I want to press snooze on use of the word “woke.”
The weird thing about politics these days is you need to be either a socialist or a racist and THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS.
It’s annoying when a comedian yells at a small crowd for not being more fired up. You’re mad at the people who didn’t show up, not the ones who did.
“Trump said in his speech that the wall would help combat America’s opioid epidemic.” If the opioid epidemic is what we’re trying to solve, then we should really be building a wall around Johnson & Johnson, Purdue Pharma, Janssen Pharmaceuticals, Abbott Laboratories, Cardinal Health, McKesson Corp., etc.
The problem with atheism is you don’t get rid of religion. You just elevate something else to be the new religion — like politics, technology, and/or capitalism. And then everyone worships an ethically bankrupt concept, chaos ensues, and eventually a talking snake sounds kinda refreshing compared to whatever myth people believe on Reddit.
new york city is where vision boards go to die
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk are aliens. It makes perfect sense. If you were an alien trapped on Earth, wouldn’t you use your alien powers to create a billion dollar company and then use that money to build a rocketship to take you back to your home planet while pretending it’s for “research” or whatever? IT ALL ADDS UP. 💰🚀👽
Reality Biting
Janeane Garofalo performed on our HOT SOUP show recently.
That’s got me thinking back to the first time I encountered her via “Reality Bites” and how that film “captured Gen X” which was BS (we felt about it the way millennials feel about Girls) but still it was A Movie That Must Be Seen. Found some article where Janeane said, “I was almost 30 – and playing a 21-year-old. Gwyneth Paltrow and Parker Posey auditioned for the role as well. I think the studio would have preferred to go with one of them, but luckily Ben was a big advocate and so was Winona.” Casting sure is strange.
In the piece, Ethan Hawke also said, “[Winona Ryder’s] character, Lelaina, is an aspiring filmmaker. When we were shooting footage for her home movies, we were encouraged to improvise. In one scene, I recited a Gregory Corso poem, Marriage, while playing the guitar. When I saw the final cut, I said to Ben: ‘Hey man, that’s a famous poem! We’ve got to buy the rights to that.’ A year later, I was in New York and this old guy grabbed me by the face and kissed me. ‘I’m Gregory Corso!’ he said. ‘You are an angel. I was destitute. And out of nowhere I got a cheque for $17,000!’”
Some story. And it reminded me of how my mom used to date Gregory Corso in her bohemian days. I didn’t know about it until one of her other exes sent me an email (he read something I wrote about my mom after she passed) a few years back that was weird and waaaay TMI but I guess some dudes never grow out of it. He wrote this, “To my distress Frances told me she was hanging out with Gregory Corso (he of the velvet scarf and the pretentious poems). I resented Corso’s success and felt he had stolen my girlfriend.” It was all news to me.
Pretty glad my mom didn’t end up with one of the freaky artist dudes she dated. Crazy people should have to marry sane people. It’s only fair. Dilute the kooky with some normal. Thanks to her marrying my dad (an extremely rational prosecutor), I’m only half crazy. Imagine how screwed up I’d be if she married that other poet she dated who wrote plays that were never meant to be staged and then moved to Kathmandu to pursue his love of tribal drumming. I’d be like a human Off-Broadway drum circle poetry slam.
Anyway, come see Janeane and I tell jokes tonight. Free tix with code SOUP at the door or via the club’s site.
And here’s the opening stanza of “Marriage” by Gregory Corso:
Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don’t take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It’s beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky-
Poison in the tea
When Trump claims that every immigrant is a criminal out to get us, it reminds me of when my dad was dying of cancer. He was filled with morphine and kept complaining to us that his health care workers were poisoning his tea. He was convinced they were trying to kill him. We’d simply nod our heads and tell him we’d be on the lookout and look at each other with the knowledge that he’d lost it. Sad but hey, what can you do?
I feel like this is the proper way to respond to Trump. Instead, we take him seriously and choose to pay attention to all his ridiculous tweets and statements. Imagine if we’d done this with my dad. “OMG, there is a tea poisoner on the loose. Shut down the hospital and build a wall around it. Send in the troops. I bet ISIS works here too!”
We’re letting a sick man determine our lives every day and it’s making all of us sick too. The fact that we even have to talk about this nonsense every day is absurd. It’s a colossal waste of time and energy. His tweets aren’t legitimate thoughts. They are the ravings of a damaged narcissistic madman.
We need to stop feeding the beast. The answer is to ignore him, not feed into his insanity. I mean jeez, am I the only one around here who has ever dated a crazy person?
Ain’t nobody exempt
Eddie in “Barbershop” when accused of saying things that are “wrong and disrespectful”:
“Wait, hold on here. Is this a barbershop? Is this a barbershop? If we can’t talk straight in a barbershop, then where can we talk straight? We can’t talk straight nowhere else. You know, this ain’t nothin’ but healthy conversation, that’s all…Ain’t nobody exempt in the barbershop. You can talk about whoever, and whatever, whenever you want to.”
THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE COMEDY CLUB STAGE. Ain’t nobody exempt. If you say CK shouldn’t whip it out around coworkers, you’re right. If you say he shouldn’t make fun of the Parkland kids, you’re missing the point. Sacred cows are exactly who a comedian should be going after. It can’t all be harmless absurdism that offends no one. I like Steve Martin, but we need the George Carlins of the world more.
These people who write about comedy sets and transcribe them and tsk tsk make me cringe. It’s clickbait disguised as moral superiority. I remember when my generation all hated Tipper Gore for trying to tell us what we could listen to and trying to censor artists. We all knew she was some helmet-haired politician’s wife who didn’t understand art. We ignored and mocked her. Now there’s a whole generation that tries to emulate her way of thinking because it gets Likes and clicks.
The internet incentivizes sucking and groupthink and blind tribalism. And worst of all: It’s boring.
I don’t want to hear another bit making fun of Donald Trump. I’d love to hear a bit that makes fun of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez though. Now of course I like her more than him. But that’s not what comedy is about. I’d rather hear a bit about her because it’s much more likely to be fresh, new, unorthodox, original, unconventional and all the other stuff that good art is supposed to be.
It's true, there is a border security crisis. But it's not what you think it is...
It's true, there is a border security crisis. But it's not what you think it is...
OK, that’s it. Come on out to the show on Jan. 23. It’s gonna be fun. Here’s the link to tickets again. Get ‘em in advance because it will sell out.
Did you enjoy this issue?
Matt Ruby

The Matt Ruby Newsletter: The latest from NYC comedian/author Matt Ruby.

If you don't want these updates anymore, please unsubscribe here
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here
Powered by Revue