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The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #7

Yo! I went to a three-day silent meditation retreat! Read all about it here. Also, I'm in Chicago thi
The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #7
By Matt Ruby • Issue #7 • View online
Yo! I went to a three-day silent meditation retreat! Read all about it here. Also, I’m in Chicago this weekend headlining at Comedy Bar. Now here’s some stuff to read…

Name dropping
Sometimes NYC means dealing with an inordinate amount of urine in public places. Other times, it means a 24hr span where you wind up having conversations with Marc Maron, Russell Crowe, and Chris Robinson (from the Black Crowes). That’s what happened to me a few weeks back.
(Yeah, I’m dropping names. Back up. That trio is an unlikely mix/amusing to me. Plus, it’s fun that it was Crowe and the guy from The Black Crowes. Also, what’s the point of living in this rat infested hellhole if you can’t make people think you’re living some sort of glamorous life instead of waiting on a rainy streetcorner like some kinda hooker for your Via to show up? At least I didn’t ask to take photos like some kind of country rube.)
I talked with Maron (we were on the same show) about his early days doing comedy in NYC and how he was backstage with Mitch Hedberg at his first Letterman taping and saw him chug a whole bottle of Jack Daniels before going onstage.
Crowe watched my set and afterwards told me I “smashed.” I said “I like your work” because I do and also what else do you say to Russell Crowe? He really enjoyed Dave Attell’s jokes about pubic hair FYI.
And last night, I wound up driving Robinson (he’s a friend of a friend) to Red Hook after his gig at Brooklyn Steel since I was the most sober person around. I asked him what it was like to work with Jimmy Page (they toured together) and he told me that Jimmy Page loves shrimp cocktail more than anyone else he’s ever met in his life. I had no idea this is the Jimmy Page fact I wanted to hear, but it totally was.
Just call me Page Six. OK, maybe more like Page 1996.
🎶 She wants to lead the glamorous life 
She don’t need a man’s touch 
She wants to lead the glamorous life 
Without love it ain’t much 🎶
Like I said, I’m in Chicago this weekend headlining at Comedy Bar. Here’s a flyer that proves it.
TM
Jerry Seinfeld has been practicing transcendental meditation for over 40 years. After watching every episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, one thing seems pretty clear to me: Transcendental meditation doesn’t work.
Schtick
Interrobang writeup on our Schtick or Treat show:
“It’s very cool to see how the show’s evolved over the years,” Ruby said. “Now there’s a bunch of younger comics who get all dressed up and do elaborate bits and try to make their mark like it’s a big deal. And I love how it’s the one show where comics don’t take off after their sets. Everyone sticks around to experience it as a group. One of the few times where the comedy scene really comes together and has fun with each other. It’s not about getting on TV or honing a bit. It’s one time and then it’s gone and it’s all about that night and that moment. Pretty damn cool.”
Missionaries
i’m happy jews never try to convert anyone. ya never meet a jewish missionary…
“want to go to that island and try to convert that tribe?”
“are you kidding me? the humidity will be brutal. i’ll be schvitzing everywhere. maybe you should go there first and try to convert them to air conditioning.”
Matt Ruby Reel (Production and Writing)
Matt Ruby Reel (Production and Writing)
Hacking
In the past few hours, I saw an article mentioning the popularity of Growth Hacker as a job title and a travel site offering “hacker fares” and a tweet about life hacks and a documentary on Facebook that showed it’s address: 1 Hacker Way. And I really wish they’d all hack off.
Look where our addiction to hacking has gotten us. We’re slaves to efficiency. The only question that matters anymore is “Does it scale?” We rarely look at what we’re losing in the process. Quality takes time. Making things that are sustainable takes time. Almost anything that matters takes time. And doing things ethically is different than doing them efficiently.
“Move fast and break things” was fun until the thing that got broken was our democracy. Don’t trust Zuckerberg or Sandberg to take any responsibility. They are only responsible to shareholders and their only real priority is growth. “Oops, did I start a genocide? We’re definitely going to look into that.” They won’t be able to hack their way out of this. Hackers are good at attacking things, but they’re not good at running things.
I watched that Frontline doc. I read that Times article. And the thing that kept coming to my mind was this quote:
“It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”
-Upton Sinclair
Interview
I interviewed booker/curator Luisa Diez about comedy as art. Listen here.
Sold out New Jersey theater show last week with Keith Alberstadt.
Sold out New Jersey theater show last week with Keith Alberstadt.
Quickies
but how will not having a planet impact the economy???
My mom used to drive me to school in her pajamas and then return home and go back to bed. This is my origin story.
Ocasio-Cortez: “I have less than $7,000 in my savings account.” Most of NYC: “Stop bragging.”
One thing the internet has taught me is we all want to see a goose and a dog hanging out together yet we’re disgusted by any human being who disagrees with us politically.
The most dangerous thing for a comedian is a joke that “really works on the road.”
LA Times: “Trump has retreated into a cocoon of bitterness and resentment.” First reaction: Can I buy one of those on Amazon?
People think dudes with shaved heads are either a skinhead, a cop, or a Marine. That sucks for me because I’m a Jew who loves psychedelics and is scared of the ocean.
Nothing is whiter than when white people refer to tzatziki as “white sauce.”
EVERY city is a “sanctuary city” because cities are where people who grow up in rural areas go to escape the people they grew up around. They are for refugees running away from the tyranny of cargo shorts, pickup trucks, homophobia, and conversations about high school football.
“It’s a Jewish conspiracy.” Please. Have you ever been in a room full of Jews? We can’t even agree on which appetizers to order.
Attends Buddhist lecture on mindfulness and concludes, “I am 100% responsible for my own suffering. It all stems from how I relate to my experiences. The world owes me nothing.” Reads social media and concludes, “I am 0% responsible for my own suffering. It all stems from things that happened to me. I deserve better.”
Trump can’t be anti-semitic because his daughter is Jewish. Also, he can’t hate immigrants because his wife is –– wait a minute.
“You’re a comedian. Why aren’t you saying something funny?” “You’re a civilian. Why arent you saying something civil?”
Here's why mass shooters are always straight white men
Here's why mass shooters are always straight white men
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