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The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #6

I'm in Seattle. I know it's Seattle because everyone is carrying a clipboard and the barista is talki
The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #6
By Matt Ruby • Issue #6 • View online
I’m in Seattle. I know it’s Seattle because everyone is carrying a clipboard and the barista is talking about Vladimir Putin…
Barista: Putin is playing Trump with this arms treaty thing.
Me: Okay. Do you have wifi? 
Barista: Unfortunately.
Me: Well, I need to send some emails. Y’know, capitalism!
Barista: Gross.
Me: So this coffee is free then?

Barista: No, that’ll be $4.
Anyway, I’ll be at the Seattle Comedy Underground tonight (Tue) and tomorrow (Wed). Also will be at Clockout Lounge Wed night. Then I’m off to Victoria BC to do weekend at Heckler’s Comedy Club. Horrible name, great room!
While I’m gone, HOT SOUP Comedy Show is going down at Irish Exit tonight (Tue) per usual and we’re debuting our NEW WEEKLY WED SHOW AT New York Comedy Club 4TH STREET (free with code SOUP). Also doing a special NY Comedy Fest edition of Hot Soup at Villain in BK on 11/7.
And finally, Schtick or Treat is Monday 10/29 at Knitting Factory. Get tix at Knit site before they sell out because, y’know, capitalism!

Recent musings
FOX News is going too far. They’re now reporting that caravan is filled with transgender terrorist big-city rappers who are in MS-13 and refuse to kneel for the anthem and think Nanette is interesting but not actually comedy.
The great white whale of outrage culture is the great white male.
“There’s a lot of money in shipwrecks. I was watching this documentary and…” Every time I try listening to Joe Rogan’s podcast I remember why I can’t listen to Joe Rogan’s podcast.
My top NYC question: How do all these storefront psychics with ground floor locations afford to pay rent here? Seems weird that Toys R Us and Sears can’t stay afloat but St Marks Psychic Reader Palm & Tarot is raking it in. Maybe they just do really well in the stock market since…well, you know.
Sometimes people ask, “So are comedians really that dark and depressed?” My answer: Yes, but so is everyone else. Comedians are just the ones who tell the truth about it. Life is suffering. The two groups that admit it: comedians and Buddhists. #nationalmentalhealthday
To sum up politics, everyone in Brooklyn is voting for Hannah Gadsby but what America actually wants is Sebastian Maniscalco.
Kinda crazy how rich old Republican dudes strongly believe in diversifying their stock portfolio yet still don’t understand why diversity is important elsewhere.
Maybe we should use financial language to convince them:
Q: ”Why should I hire this [insert minority here]?”
A: “You’ll be spreading your payroll around so that your exposure to any one type of asset is limited thus reducing the volatility of your workforce over time. And as an added bonus, people won’t think you’re racist scum.”
(I actually think this could work. Maybe I’ve found my new calling as The Old White Man Whisperer. Tell me whatever you want to say to ‘em and I will translate it into OldWhiteMandarin™.)
On tour.
On tour.
Schtick video.
Schtick video.
I like women who use drugs.
I like women who use drugs.
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The Matt Ruby Newsletter: The latest from NYC comedian/author Matt Ruby.

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