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The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #1

Hey there, trying some fancy new newsletter thingie that lets me bring in photos, tweets, etc. Let's
The Matt Ruby Newsletter - Issue #1
By Matt Ruby • Issue #1 • View online
Hey there, trying some fancy new newsletter thingie that lets me bring in photos, tweets, etc. Let’s see how it goes! If you’re in NYC, I’m at Comedy Cellar this week on wed/thu/fri: wed (VU at 8)/thu (VU at 10)/fri (Fat Black at 8). Reservations
Now here’s a bunch of jokes, etc.
AC/DC’s manager: We need you to get to the studio and record a new song immediately.
AC/DC: Why?
Manager: THUNDERSNOW.
AC/DC: Be there in 10 minutes.
to be fair, putting a note in all-capital letters saying “DO NOT CONGRATULATE” is kinda like saying “don’t think of an elephant” and then voila 🐘🐘🐘 – tangent: it’s weird that us humans can’t remember to not think of elephants while elephants never forget. if we told them don’t think of a human, they’d 100% get it and remember. so i guess i’m saying i’d rather have an elephant be president and THIS IS HOW I CAME UP WITH A MOVIE TO PITCH TO DISNEY
I don’t trust people who know a lot about cheese. At least wine snobs seem fancy. Cheese snobs just seem like they’re trying to cover up a foot fetish.
The porn star’s lawyer is better than the president’s lawyer.
When you hang out with Jews, life is just one big Yelp review.
since israelis invented it, i really think krav maga should be called jew jitsu
Farrakhan said that Jews have chemically induced homosexuality in black men through marijuana which, you gotta admit, is a hilarious thing to say.

Jealous of these whiskers.
Jealous of these whiskers.
Whole Foods really doesn't get Passover.
Whole Foods really doesn't get Passover.
Download/stream my album HOT FLASHES:
Hot Flashes by Matt Ruby
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The Matt Ruby Newsletter: The latest from NYC comedian/author Matt Ruby.

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