“Life can take a lot out of you. It seems the more effort you put in life, the more you can expect to fail. People can be insecure, inauthentic or hard to understand and you can find yourself ruminating over which one it actually is. And when the world is pulling you in 13 different directions, things are bumming you out, you are confused and stuck in your head, we can be left thinking, “I don’t know what to do.” This was the dilemma Matt found himself in, a couple of days ago, and he came to ask for some advice. After he explained to me what he was facing, he asked what I thought he “should” do. Here is what I said to him:
Drop the stories.
You are NOT obligated by the universe to do anything. There is no moral code in life, programmed deep within the simulation.
“I have to do”, or “the right thing to do,” or “I should,” or “I must” etc. These are rules your brain comes up with as if life was this big puzzle and you just need to have all the right pieces in the right places and then it will ALL make sense. But life isn’t a puzzle, it doesn’t have cheat codes. You are not a square peg to fit in a square hole.
All the stories? None of that matters… UNLESS you say it does. So the first question is: Where do you want to go? What matters here?
Don’t focus on labelling, identities, stories or rules. What do you want to do? What do you care about? It doesn’t matter if you are “successful” or “right”. Drop the outcome. Drop what it looks like. You can’t control with absolute certainty where you will go, but you can decide the direction of your next step. All you have is time and effort, the question is where do you want to put it?
And so Matt, you accept what you cannot change and you just focus on what you can do, you move forward. Because you have people who care and love you. You have a future. Meaningful directions in your life.
You have helped people Matt, and you can keep doing that. You don’t understand how much those small things can make a difference, you could be saving lives without even knowing it. Helping people build lives for themselves that are fulfilling and meaningful. Matt, you have so much to love in this world, you truly can make it a better place. ALL OF THAT, is right in front of your face. And you need to look up from your phone, get out of your head, and see it. THAT is what it means to accept and move forward, To just focus on what you can do. You focus on the lives you can change, the things that help you grow, the things that bring you towards your best life, or whatever you DECIDE your priority to be.
So Matt, live your best life. For you, BY you. Not that story, not anyone, but you.
Thank you Matt, and thanks to the people reading,