Glenn Maxwell walks one mile due south, then one mile due east, then one mile due north and arrives back at his starting point. He takes a catch from a bear. What colour was it?
Answer: Red. (Cameron White’s nickname is ‘Bear’. He played for the Melbourne Renegades, who dress in red. Why this BBL Melbourne local derby was being played at the North Pole, however, remains anybody’s guess.)
One of the two onfield umpires can only send truthful soft signals. The other can only send soft signals that are lies. A low catch is sent upstairs to the third umpire, who may ask only one further question. How does the third umpire determine if the batter is out?
Answer: Rather than muck about with convoluted questioning of the onfield umpires such as ‘if I asked the other umpire what soft signal they’d send, would they say ‘out’ or ‘not out’?’, the third umpire instead asks the television broadcasters for a replay of the bowler’s front foot, which reveals a no ball. Not out.
A tailender has made ten more runs than the score their more senior batting partner had when the partnership began. The more senior partner, meanwhile, has tripled their score. The sum of their two scores is now one hundred runs. How is their partnership broken?
Answer: Let x be the number of runs the more senior batting partner had when the partnership began. The more senior batter now has 3x runs. The tailender has x+10 runs. The total number of runs is therefore 4x+10.
4x+10 = 100 -> 4x = 90 -> x = 22.5
The tailender is therefore on 32.5 (x+10) and the more senior partner on 67.5 (3x).
As they are only halfway through a run, one of them will be easily run out, ending the partnership in an acrimonious fashion.
A batter on strike needs to transport a fox, a chicken and a sack of grain to the non-striker’s end. The batter can, however, only carry one of them with each run. If the batter leaves the fox with the chicken, the fox will eat the chicken. Similarly, if they leave the chicken with the grain, the grain will be eaten. How many runs does the batter need to hit to transport everything to the non-striker’s end?
Answer: Zero. Just summon security onto the ground to deal with this ridiculous state of affairs. How in blue blazes did a fox get into the ground in the first place? Is it a Fox Cricket mascot of some kind? Sort it out, Cricket Australia.
Which Australian cricketer walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?
Answer: An Australian cricketer walking? Grow up.
A father and son go to watch the cricket. During the innings break, the son wins a prize to bowl an over to the captain of the Australian cricket team. But before he gets a chance to do so, the captain stops him and say ‘I can’t face an over from this boy. He’s my son.’ How is this possible?
Answer: The Australian cricket captain is a woman, you sexist fuck! (Also, she’s lying about the boy being her son. She thinks this is a stupid publicity stunt and wants to end it and get her team focused on defending their total of 390 (A Healy 281* (64), B Mooney 100* (56)) from their twenty overs.)
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