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Deepening into your days

Kandice
Kandice
Hey Friends,
It has been nearly two months since I last wrote to you. I don’t have some complicated reason or eloquent explanation for why this happened. Life has not been any more (or less) busy since I last wrote. The world continues to feel chaotic and heavy and devastating with each passing news story about COVID, Ukraine, and most recently Buffalo. I am starting some new projects and continuing some old ones. My kiddos are growing so fast that Target is about to have all of my money for the next eighteen years, give or take. My husband and I are learning (and re-learning) what our relationship needs while navigating parenting, entrepreneurship, and anxiety about the state of the world.
What does feel different is that I am deepening into my days. Meaning, I am living my days more thoughtfully. That thoughtfulness is encouraging me to slow down. To be really present with it all –even the uncomfortable. I continue to ask how I can trade doing for being. How can I be the curator of a more joyful life? How can I find space in a world that is moving so fast?
Answering these questions has looked like, in no particular order,
-Waiting long stretches of time before responding to texts. It has allowed me more focused time with myself and my family. It also gives me space to respond more concisely and thoughtfully, rather than hurried, to my family, friends, and clients.
-Processing uncomfortable emotions and triggers instead of rushing past them. It is a treasure when you can name how you feel and also see that “feelings are not facts” (shout out to Myleik for that gem).
-Cleaning and organizing my house step by step after some great advice from Saya Hillman. It’s not a race to do everything by a certain time. I have been meandering and am proud to have: cleaned my spice cabinet, organized my pantry, and organized the playroom. It has been a slow process of learning to see cleaning as an important ritual not just for my home but for my mind too.
-Reading fiction novels again. I am back to reading fiction novels –sometimes finishing them in a few days. My most recent reads have been the latest from Black woman authors Dolen Perkins-Valdez; Deesha Philyaw, and Jasmine Guillory.
-Gently helping Miles fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night. This has meant long spurts of time rubbing backs, snuggling, singing songs, letting himself soothe, and figuring out what makes him feel safe at night. We are almost there and he is happily sleeping for much longer stretches than he was last month.
I could go on but those were the ones that first came to mind. Life is this swirl of experience that sometimes makes sense and sometimes don’t. This swirling can make us feel exhausted and depleted if we don’t learn to embrace and honor it.
I am learning to observe the wonder of the chaos without becoming the chaos. I am allowing myself to feel the hard things without becoming hardened. I am valuing this space I need even when it means that I have to temporarily say no to others’ requests of my time. Instead of searching for more, I am reconnecting to peace.
I will share more with you as I continue to learn-maybe in a week or a month.
Be easy. Be gentle. Be joy. Just be.
Love,
Kandice

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Kandice
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