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Saying "No" with love


K. Cole Wellness Newsletter

October 23 · Issue #7 · View online

The official newsletter of Kandice Cole--all about self-care, creativity, and joy.

We often lose track of our time when we say yes to one too many things. With the best intentions, we accept thing after thing, until our plate is too full. Then what happens next? We become exhausted and sometimes downright angry that we have to do so much.
This is an endless cycle and it is draining.
I have found myself here many times and have taken steps to disrupt the belief that I must commit to everything that comes my way. Because what I know for sure is (in my Oprah voice): Sometimes the person creating the most chaos in my life is….Me. If I don’t respect my time, I can’t expect others to magically do it. It all starts with me.
Maybe you find yourself in this situation right now. You know a calendar that gets too full, leaving you with very little breathing space? Or feeling like you are going a million miles a minute with not room to retreat from it all? The practice of self care requires you to make a commitment to your care , which means you might have to change how you have normally done things. (Reminder: developing a self care practice takes times, so don’t lose heart)
There are steps you can take to change course and it starts with saying one simple word (or more if you want to be fancy): No. Saying no or not right now can be the difference between feeling stressed or feeling relieved. It can feel like you are letting people down, but isn’t it time that you not let your own self down? Saying no can come from a place of love and concern for yourself and for others. I know I am not fun to be around when I am cranky and over tired from doing too much. Taking care of yourself will require you to make space. Making space requires having time. Having time means that you can’t do everything.
So, how can you make more space in your life by saying no? A few things to consider:
  1. Pause before saying yes. We often rush to schedule an appt or say yes to helping someone before thinking it over. When someone requests your time really look at your calendar. Do you really want back to back appointments during a busy week? Will you be compromising on have some open spaces of time in your calendar? The pause can stop you from having to back track later.
  2. Borrow someone else’s words. Not sure how to say no in a nice way? Borrow these great email templates from The Muse. Short, simple, to the point and kind.
  3. Think about what you are saying yes to when you say no. We often frame saying no as negative. If you say no to this thing, what will it free you up to say yes to in your life? Let that be your positive inspiration and guide.
Continue to make you a priority. Say yes to what matters most. And make peace with saying no sometimes.
Thanks for reading! If you like what I am writing, feel free to share with a friend and/or buy me a coffee!

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