I experienced a lot of pain before JRWI. Being on a path chasing The Dream, at odds with my true self, caused me immense levels of psychological, emotional and physical pain.
Looking back on those years, the pain is apparent to me now. It wasn’t so apparent to me then.
I was drinking heavily then. I understand now that I was drinking to numb myself to the pain I was feeling. Drinking worked for me for a while. Or at least I thought it did.
I started slowing down my drinking about five years ago. I didn’t set a conscious plan to stop. I did start a conscious plan to slow down.
It’s through the slowing down process that my mornings became more important than my evenings.
The evenings had been my drinking time. I paid the price by feeling crappy in the mornings. It was a trade-off I accepted and assumed was normal.
As I slowed the drinking, I increased cycling. It turns out my favorite time to ride is the early morning.
My wife and I were visiting her dad in the Baltimore suburbs. We attended her Dad’s birthday party the night before. He’s Ukrainian. That meant shots of vodka and cognac flowed freely. I didn’t get drunk but I did drink my fair share.
I woke early-ish the next morning to ride. It was spring. The weather was beautiful. The roads wound through farmlands with no traffic.
It was a great day and place to ride.
I felt hungover. I could barely ride. I had to cut the ride short.
I felt frustrated I had to quit the ride.
That ’s the day I realized my mornings were more important than my evenings.
A number of factors allowed me to stop drinking. Looking back though, this morning was a clear catalyst to do it.
I feel grateful for this experience. It’s allowed me to feel so much more complete. It’s allowed me to wake up at 5AM and write this issue before I start my cycling workout.
What types of pain do you experience? How do you handle it?
Does any of that pain come from chasing The Dream?
Let me know by responding directly to this email. I reply to every response.
Catch you next week,