I started Just Rolling with It from a shaky place. The first few years felt shaky in a very uncomfortable way.
I’ve learned the shaky feeling is correlated to the amount of uncertainty I’m experiencing. I feel grateful JRWI is teaching me to become more comfortable with the shakiness and uncertainty.
The past 12-15 months felt a little less shaky. Circumstances felt more certain. There have been ups and downs for sure. Generally though, things felt OK.
I’ve noticed though that the perceived certainty comes with a price attached. It’s one of tension, grasping, shutting down and disconnecting. I think this is due to trying to hold onto that perceived certainty, so it doesn’t slip away.
The past couple months felt like this. My stress level’s increased. My sleep quality’s decreased quite a bit. It was hanging in the low 70% quality level for a long time. The past couple months it dipped into the 50%’s.
I’m feeling tired and fatigued as a result. This scares me. I tend to become more pessimistic when fatigued. I’ve noticed this happening too.
I’ve been trying to open, expand, and connect as I experience these things. It’s been a struggle. Having the awareness feels like a small win, at least.
Today it became clear to me just how much I’m grasping and resisting the uncertainty. It feels like a beneficial reminder that JRWI’s a journey and keeps rolling along
. It’s not a means to an end destination. It is the destination.
Times like this are also a reminder of how grateful I feel to have this newsletter to share reflections like this. Thanks for being along for the journey 🙏
How’s your journey feeling these days? Let me know by responding directly to this email.