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Issue #34: Putrid Mediocrity


Jeff Howardz | facts of my existence

August 20 · Issue #34 · View online

Weekly digest of things I find interesting, useful, funny, thought provoking or absurd... mixed with some wise ass short observations of my own.

“We were built by natural selection, and natural selection works to maximize genetic proliferation, period. In addition to not caring about the truth per se, it doesn’t care about our long term happiness.”
~ Robert Wright, Why Buddhism is True

Skunk in the Outfield
Trick plays are as old as baseball. Most baseball plays last no more than a few seconds. This trick play (from a High School game) took over 2 minutes to resolve itself. Definitely worth the read.
Eclipse Humor
Excerpts reprinted from McSweeney’s: I mean, I can’t even with this solar eclipse
Do total eclipses always happen around the same time of year?
Eclipses used to occur at random times through all seasons, which caused many people to miss them due to work commitments. In 1938, after strong lobbying from the travel and hospitality industries, FDR signed a Congressional resolution establishing that total eclipses always occur on the third Monday in August.
What path will the eclipse track across the U.S.?
The eclipse will cut from northwest to southeast, gouging a trench four feet deep in the earth, breaking up highways, destroying dams and flooding lowlands. You should check your homeowner’s insurance.
What’s the best way to look at an eclipse without harming my eyes?
Watch a documentary on NatGeo.
How do I get that goddamn Bonnie Tyler song out of my head?
Turn around three times, tilt your head to a 90-degree angle and fill your ear with mineral oil to kill the song. It may struggle during its death throes, but after a minute or two, you’ll be able to extract it with tweezers and bury it in a lead-lined canister.
How about when the eclipse ends and the sun comes back out? Will my rooster start crowing?
Why do you have a rooster? Buy an alarm clock.
What should I do when the eclipse is over?
Talk to your friends and neighbors about the incredible event you have just witnessed, our place in the universe and the transitory nature of existence. But don’t linger too long because it’s usually only 20 minutes before the frogs start coming down.
More Ecl
If you get bogged down in traffic running to the path of “totality” for Eclipse viewing tomorrow then have no fear. Here is a map of all the 21st century Eclipses around North America. I’m sure you can find one to suit your needs. If not, another one will come whizzing over Georgia in 2078. Good luck out there.
Click to enlarge
Click to enlarge
True Story - It's all in a name
I was watching the Corky Kell Classic (that’s high school football for you non-Atlantans) yesterday and heard a very interesting name. McEachern High School has a wide receiver named Genuine Potts. Do you think his parents work for Genuine Parts (the company)? Don’t believe me? Here is his 247Sports player profile.
The Wisdom of Norm Peterson - Cheers!
Norm: “Beer please Woody.”
Woody: “Isn’t it a little early Mr. Peterson?”
Norm: “Okay, float a corn flake in it.”
May you never have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis,
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