Do total eclipses always happen around the same time of year?
Eclipses used to occur at random times through all seasons, which caused many people to miss them due to work commitments. In 1938, after strong lobbying from the travel and hospitality industries, FDR signed a Congressional resolution establishing that total eclipses always occur on the third Monday in August.
What path will the eclipse track across the U.S.?
The eclipse will cut from northwest to southeast, gouging a trench four feet deep in the earth, breaking up highways, destroying dams and flooding lowlands. You should check your homeowner’s insurance.
What’s the best way to look at an eclipse without harming my eyes?
Watch a documentary on NatGeo.
How do I get that goddamn Bonnie Tyler song out of my head?
Turn around three times, tilt your head to a 90-degree angle and fill your ear with mineral oil to kill the song. It may struggle during its death throes, but after a minute or two, you’ll be able to extract it with tweezers and bury it in a lead-lined canister.
How about when the eclipse ends and the sun comes back out? Will my rooster start crowing?
Why do you have a rooster? Buy an alarm clock.
What should I do when the eclipse is over?
Talk to your friends and neighbors about the incredible event you have just witnessed, our place in the universe and the transitory nature of existence. But don’t linger too long because it’s usually only 20 minutes before the frogs start coming down.