🎬 "Snakes ... Why did it have to be snakes?"

Scroll down for reviews of all four Indiana Jones movies (I had some extra time this week).

Also: I’m excited for a new movie that’s coming out soon, something that hasn’t happened since … last year? Aaron Sorkin, please don’t let me down.

Finally: I’ve been trying to start a new habit of recommending good podcasts every day on Twitter. Follow me there if that’s your thing!

9 to 5 is a classic comedy that deserves a re-appreciation — I hadn’t seen it in maybe 15 years, but I’m glad I hunted down the DVD on eBay.

Starring the triple threat of Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin, this an unintentional period piece that captures the tipping point when “women’s lib” was finally being accepted as more than a liberal fad, and (some) men began to accept that feminism just means equality.

Its depiction of women being harassed and abused by the unqualified man at the top is unfortunately still relevant today, and the original script was much darker and meaner (something I learned from the superb podcast Dolly Parton’s America). However, the filmmakers consciously chose to stick to a more farcical tone, and the hijinks that ensue when Parton, Fonda, and Tomlin kidnap their boss (Dabney Coleman) are all funny and creative, if not exactly believable. Recommended. ★★★½

I watched 9 to 5 on DVD, but it’s currently streaming on Starz and DirecTV.

Looper is the movie that made me a Rian Johnson fan, way before The Last Jedi or Knives Out.

It’s a smart, inventive, gripping sci-fi drama about an assassin in 2044 who kills people sent back in time to him from 2074, which is a brilliant concept on its own, but Johnson adds several finishing touches that are best left unspoiled. I loved the world-building here, which is detailed, but not in your face or implausible.

At the risk of starting an internet fight: I think this movie accomplishes what the original Blade Runner tried and failed to. It’s a dark vision of the near future with a new class structure of gun-toting men, and Looper explicitly engages with the human, moral questions of what it means to be one of those men, rather than getting sidetracked by the sci-fi of it all.

The stars — Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, and Emily Blunt — are all excellent, but I really like everyone in the cast, including Paul Dano, Noah Segan, and one of the best child actors I’ve seen in any movie, Pierce Gagnon. Recommended. ★★★★½

I watched Looper on Blu-Ray, but it’s currently streaming on Starz, DirecTV, and Sling TV.

My Neighbor Totoro is the cutest movie ever made, and one of the best-animated to boot. Here’s what I wrote about it when I saw it for the first time last year, in a movie theater (sigh):

To that, I’d add that what really struck me on this re-viewing is the way Studio Ghibli perfectly captures the feeling of being a child — the wonder, the embarrassment, the helplessness, all of it! It’s a feat of nuanced animation that happens to be overlaid on a truly beautiful film. Highly recommended. ★★★★★

My Neighbor Totoro is currently streaming on HBO Max.

Is Raiders of the Lost Ark a perfect action movie?

For me, it is: There’s a compelling cast, funny quotes, amazing music, and unforgettable action sequences. It’s so good that I barely know what to say about it.

You know the story: Harrison Ford plays Indiana Jones, an ethically dubious archaeologist and occult expert who gets asked by the US Army to find the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis do. Jones is the product of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas trying to one-up James Bond, but they also accidentally invented (or maybe Karen Allen deserves the credit) the all-time best “Bond girl”-esque character in Marion Ravenwood.

I love the way this amusement park of a ride precisely modulates its momentum: It slows down just enough to lull you into a sense of security … and then hits you with another jolt of excitement, without inducing whiplash. Highly recommended. ★★★★★

Raiders of the Lost Ark is currently streaming on Netflix and Sling TV.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is maybe the most frustrating movie in my collection.

Technically, it’s well-made: The action is clear and engaging, the music is very good, and there’s one extremely intense and scary scene that everyone who sees this movie will remember. But on a story and character level, it is an ENORMOUS step down from Raiders of the Lost Ark, and it indulges in some lazier-than-lazy racist stereotypes that permanently stain its legacy.

In the first movie, we don’t need to be told how bad the Nazis were, so it’s unambiguous that they should be shot, punched, and melted; in this movie, the obscure Hindu death cult that serves as the big bad is so murkily defined that they just come off as “sinister brown people” rather than ideological enemies.

It doesn’t help that Indy’s companions, Short Round and Willie Scott (played by Ke Huy Quan and Kate Capshaw), are both annoying stereotypes in their own right, and prove to be uninteresting foils to our hero. Skip it. ★★½

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is currently streaming on Netflix and Sling TV.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is in many ways a regression for the series: A return to the lighter tone and simpler enemies of Raiders, built around nonstop action and seemingly written so as to barely acknowledge the existence of Temple of Doom.

And you know what? I’m totally fine with that. Despite its occasional merits, Temple of Doom has enough problems that it’s best left ignored, and I’d encourage any new viewers to just jump from Raiders to Crusade and Google the “kali ma” scene if they want to appreciate the second film’s most memorable sequence and have nightmares about it.

This film is a total delight, featuring Sean Connery as Indiana Jones’ father — Henry Jones, Sr. — and one of the few “flashback that explains the whole character” sequences that I can ever recall working for me. Those familiar villains, the Nazis, are back for a reason, and that’s because the Joneses are simple characters for whom the simple “good vs. evil” fight is good enough. Recommended. ★★★★½

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is currently streaming on Netflix and Sling TV.

Despite the best efforts of Karen Allen, John Hurt, and Cate Blanchett, the fourth and (maybe?) final Indiana Jones movie is a dud.

Picking up in 1957, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull awkwardly tries to fuse Cold War paranoia, daddy issues and aliens in a story that heaves under its own weight. Although the third movie’s solution (just have him fight Nazis again!) wasn’t an option in the 50s, one has to imagine there was a better way to situate Indy in a new era.

Compounding the problems is an abundance of unnecessary and too-plasticky CGI, which robs some of Spielberg’s cool action scenes of their suspense. A sword fight on trucks racing through the jungle? Hell yes! A sword fight that culminates in Shia LaBeouf surrounded by animated monkeys, swinging on vines like he’s Tarzan? No. Just no. Skip it. ★★

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is currently streaming on Netflix and Sling TV.

(new additions in bold; also, I fixed some old ordering mistakes towards the bottom of the list)