by Matt Husser
Welcome, esteemed guests, to the famed Petit Morceau. As hunger is the true spice of life, what better ingredient to highlight in our new 10-course tasting experience? I propose that you allow me to seduce you with a number of playful dishes that can be only described as “food-adjacent.” Prepare to leave hungry, my culinary hostage, as I challenge you to try to enjoy this five-hour dining odyssey.
Opened San Pellegrino Water Left Overnight Next to Kimchi Jar
Prime your tastebuds for an enchanting evening with this playful opening number. Swirl the flat water in your mouth and let the lingering fragrance of fermented Korean cabbage frolic over your tongue. Tremendous.
The Sous-Chef Scoffs at Your Food Allergies from the Kitchen
Hey Sebastian, check out this idiot that’s allergic to cumin.
Blanched Tomatillo Skins Hastily Stuffed Into Manila Envelope
Same-day delivery to olfactory bliss.
Waiter Dips a Finger in Rosemary Infused Olive Oil and Touches Your Lips Before Turning Away Wistfully as Yours Is a Love That Can Never Be
No, Alejandro, it is forbidden. You, a 19th-Century bullfighter, and me, a Finnish spy embedded on a Ukrainian submarine.
Polaroid Picture of Larb Gai
The bright citrus of the lime pops while the savory umami notes of the fish sauce round out this beloved Laotian dish, with a lingering heat that endures long past your enjoyment of this playful number. Well anyway, here’s a picture of what that looks like.
Ginger-Turmeric Puree in Super Soaker
Refresh your palate and prepare for the advanced courses as we hose you down with this natural liver cleanser.
Pastry Chef Briskly Strolls by Your Table While Carrying a Soufflé
Boy, that soufflé must have been difficult to prepare. It certainly smells wonderful, doesn’t it?
Labeled Lunch Surreptitiously Taken From Break Room Refrigerator
Oh my, you naughty child. The petty larceny makes it that much more devilishly delicious.
Your Father Stands Watching You from Afar, Beaming With Pride While He Eats Duck Confit
“You know what, Barb? I think we did good,” he says with a satisfied sigh, shoveling a delectable morsel of rich, flavorful duck into his mouth as his beloved wife lays her head on his shoulder.
Poached Pear Fog Collected on Glass Window Pane
Admit it. You’ve always wondered what it was like when you watched your French Bulldog, Hattie, lick the sliding glass door. Indulge in your curiosity.