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Issue #4: Horny 4 Ramps

Issue #4: Horny 4 Ramps
By Gut Bomb • Issue #4 • View online
This week’s letter is shorter all around. A nice little listicle from yours truly and a truncated link dump of wonderful writing from other people and publications. Fun fact: the original name of this newsletter was going to be “Light Bites” so let’s consider this issue to be an homage to what could have been.
Eat up,
Adam Campbell-Schmitt, editor

Image by ICKH from Pixabay
Image by ICKH from Pixabay
Are You Horny or Is It Just Ramps Season?
By Adam Campbell-Schmitt
If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, it could be because you’re horny or it could be because it’s ramps season—that short window of the year when those coveted wild leeks emerge in the woods and make a brief appearance at the grocery store. Honestly, it’s hard to say…
  • You’re bored with your usual crop of options and you want something wild.
  • Your tolerance for kissing someone with garlicky breath is much lower than usual.
  • You catch yourself leering at any and every slightly bulbous buried object.
  • You keep “liking” obvious thirst traps of exposed stems.
  • You update your dating profile to say you’re interested in foraging in some bush.
  • You’re sweet-talking everyone at the farmers market, looking for a discreet hookup.
  • You can’t hear the words “compound butter” without biting your bottom lip.
  • You’ll heat things up within a few days of meeting to keep their stalk from wilting.
  • You know that if you put the time and care into preserving this spring fling for the cold winter months you’ll be investing in your own long term happiness—but you’re not above a “quick pickle” to get the job done.
  • You’ll settle for tops or bottoms, but frankly you’d rather have both.
This week's best bites:
Vegetarian menu items, vegan coworkers, keto recipes: Don’t assume we’re cutting back just because this week’s roundup is all about dietary lifestyle choices. There’s also some really important insights into why Fireball Whisky bottles are strewn about every single gutter and city trash can, and an expanded version of everyone’s favorite poem about icebox plums.
I’m The Advertising Genius That Leaves Empty Bottles Of Fireball Whisky Everywhere
by WhatTheZem [Slackjaw]
William Carlos Williams Tries to Reach His Word Count
by Michelle Cohn [McSweeney’s]
My Toaster And I Will DOMINATE This Toastmasters Meeting
by Katie Burgess [Slackjaw]
Keto Recipe Mostly Cheese, Heartburn [The Whole Wheat Post]
I’m Your Enigmatic Vegan Co-Worker, And I’m Here To Guide You In Your Quest To Master The Non-Dairy Arts
by Amy Currul [Slackjaw]
‘This Is What You Should Call Him Now’: McDonald’s Has Announced It Has Changed Ronald McDonald's Name To ‘INTENSITY’
[ClickHole]
I hope you enjoyed your meal! Please consider regularly reading, subscribing to, or otherwise supporting these incredible publications and writers above.
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