As much as I want to do away with shame and stigma, it still exists. Everywhere. It leaks into so much of our daily lives that it can feel like you’re drowning in it.
There is still such a heavy taboo around masturbation, supposed “sluttiness,” and embracing sexuality in general. We aren’t yet sexually free and it’s important to keep that mentality in close view so we don’t lose sight of it.
I’d love to screw the shame out of masturbation. Maybe we can. We can try.
I think the only way we remove stigma and shame from self-love is by engaging with it. A lot of the time we don’t masturbate because we’re ashamed of masturbation. We’re afraid of what others would think. We’re afraid of being dirty or of being unlovable.
We expect to rely on partners for our pleasure. And that’s just no way to live. It’s like relying on someone else for every single morsel of food you put in your mouth. Who could trust another person with that much responsibility over your health?
We can change our views of shame by incorporating masturbation into our lives, by making it a cornerstone of our daily routines. If you engage with it, celebrate it, and treat it like a form of self-care, it can start to take on new meaning.
What’s more, when you do something that brings you pleasure, it stops being this monster under the bed. It stops being scary. Once you’re having lots of pleasure and orgasms, self-love stops being so terrifying and shameful.
You can start to see the ways it positively impacts your life and your sexuality - sexuality is not THE most important thing in the world, but it’s still important. Very important. It deserves a level of clout we don’t always afford it.
Sexuality in all it’s forms is beautiful - it’s life-giving. Having a fully formed sense of your sexual self is what gives the world color. It’s a bedrock for internal joy and confidence. We should be enjoying our bodies, not hiding them or feeling shame around them.
I’m not saying you need to drop all of your insecurities in order to be fulfilled. That would be a tall order that basically zero of us can overcome. What I mean is exploring yourself - giving yourself room to evolve sexuality in a space that is gentle and loving. Allow yourself to be all that you’re capable of by being with yourself.
We need to be more loving with ourselves. We may not always feel like fiery, sexy goddesses who are ready to take on the world, but we can make an attempt to stop hiding our secret selves away behind some faux icy exterior.
Don’t be afraid to live your life, babe. Pleasure is something you deserve - in all it’s forms. I want that for you. I want you to embrace the love and know that you are worthy of it. You’re worthy of a healthy partnership not just with another person (or persons), but you’re worthy of a loving partnership with the one person you’re going to be with until the end:
This week’s mantras:
- I am worthy.
- I deserve joy and I deserve pleasure.
- I am capable of expanding the love I have for myself and I deserve that.
- I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week.