Good morning, unicorn baby.
I hope you’re staying safe and well during these trying times. I have to admit something: I’ve been pretty certain everything was going to be alright until now. I guess it’s part white privilege, part survival mode. Accepting that things may never go back to the way they were before and accepting this new, deeply depressing world has been too much for my psyche to bear.
I apologize for all the doom and gloom that I’m about to emotionally fart all over you - but I’ve always prided myself on being real with you guys.
Skip to the “GOOD READS” section to get to the fun sex stuff.
Oh, and read this RIDICULOUS story I found on Medium
. It is a true-blue mindfuck. It feels like your classic (and toxic) “she’s prettier because she’s thinner” stuff until you find out … her best friend’s boyfriend is in jail and is also her first cousin??!?!? I know it’s kind of crass to laugh, but it is public domain, after all. Lord knows I’ve written some embarrassing ass shit on the internet that people are sending to their friends. Don’t Google that thing I wrote about how freckles make you special with made up science when I was 20. I hope it gives you a moment of LOL-peace when everything else is a dumpster fire.
OK back to my selfish rant.
I’ve been growing irritable. Every single day my anger and sense of dread have been deepening. The light at the end of the tunnel is starting to close off. I don’t want to think about it, but it’s starting to feel real. I know many of you have been much more realistic than I have. And outwardly, I’d like to think I’ve been trying my hardest to accept the events happening around me, but I’ve faltered.
Every single day keeps getting more horrible than the last. We’re shooting black teenagers in the street, seeing mass riots, a no deal Brexit, a shitshow of an election that could go sideways (don’t forget to VOTE tomorrow if you haven’t already), a mass pandemic that very well could mean we don’t see our loved ones in person ever again (that last one might be a bit dramatic, but it’s very real for an American living abroad. Again, living abroad is privileged and I get that).
Last night I strained my knee cap. My knee is purple from the bruising and swelling. While it’s partially to do with the way I sleep (face down like a corpse bride, literally), it’s also because I’m so anxious that I’m perpetually locking out my knees in my sleep because of the panic dreams. It’s this dull, throbbing pain that made me cry today. Because my knee hurts, but also because my heart hurts. Everything is just such a goddamn mess. I’m sorry I’m just arriving at the party, but damn guys, we’re kind of fucked.
I don’t know how things are going to turn out tomorrow, but I am PRAYING we’re going to see this grotesque chapter in history start to end. We all need a goddamn bit of air.
This week’s mantras:
- I will take time to care of myself this week.
- I will be gentle with the things I don’t love about myself.
- I will take of the things over which I have control and prepare myself to deal with the things I cannot.
- I will love myself.
I love you very much, my unicorn babe. See you on the other side.
XOXO Auntie G