I’ve known some of you for such a long time that I’m sure you remember my last breakup. For those of you who don’t, here’s the (short'n'sweet) sob story on that …
My boyfriend of three years broke up with me seemingly out of nowhere and left me truly heartbroken for the first time in my life. I’d been “burned” before and been sad after breakups - but never like this. I was truly shattered. Like, heart ripped out of my chest shattered. (If you want to know more about that, you can read the story I wrote for the whole internet here
What was shocking to me (and jarring to many of my readers - like you, for instance!) - was that I found myself in a relationship six months later. I met my husband six months after having my heart broken into a million pieces. I was only semi-put-back-together when I fell in love again.
Let me clarify what happened here before you scream, “REBOUND!!” and slam the computer/phone/iPad shut. Trust me, I know how all of this looks.
When we started dating we were long distance. We still are going back and forth from London to Chicago to this day - though I’m moving to London in March.
I didn’t just throw myself into this, y'all. I insisted on an open relationship from May-January 2019 and wasn’t so sure this was going to work out. I was doing the internal work to heal from the breakup, I swear. But, I couldn’t help falling in love with him. And I was in love with him - very in love. Even if I didn’t accept that fact for a WHILE.
On New Years, I kissed a pretty girl at the party I went to with my sisters and brother. For the first time I realized I didn’t want to be kissing pretty girls at parties. I wanted to kiss my boyfriend - only my boyfriend. I called him in London the next day, balls deep in the shame spiral, and closed the relationship.
The reason I’m writing about this today - waxing fucking poetic about my love life - is because I’ve been thinking a lot about baggage lately - a lot about the people who have hurt me and who have hurt you. The thing is, you’re a grown-ass adult person. Every single person you date has been hurt by someone, too.
We can’t use “they have a lot of baggage” excuse for not dating someone or utilize the “I have a lot of baggage” label to avoid love anymore. We all have fucking baggage. Welcome to almost-2020, bitch.
We need to be a little softer and gentler with ourselves and others. I was so afraid I was broken, too hurt, not ready enough - that I almost missed out on the love of my life.
I was broken, I did still have baggage - I still do and I’m married. I still feel the scars. That hurt doesn’t go away.
When it comes to heartbreak, we just learn from it and learn to live with it. When you’re dating and looking for love - remember that we’re all fucked up. We’re all just trying to be happy, despite the past hurt we’re living with.
Baggage doesn’t make you unlovable. It makes you human as fuck.
This week’s mantras:
- I am worthy of love. I am ready for love.
- Divine light shines around me. I bask in it. I let it in.
- I am broken, but I am whole. I am human.
- I will love myself.
Have a great week! I love you.