I struggle with vulnerability and I struggle with my emotions. I always want to keep a wall up. It doesn’t always serve me. It’s OK to be soft. It’s OK to feel. It’s OK to screw up and to move on when you’re ready.
You don’t need to punish yourself for silly mistakes … or even big mistakes. We need to be more gentle with ourselves.
Last weekend, I was partying with some friends on a rooftop in the Chicago Loop and I kissed a girl right on the mouth. I wanted to kiss her on the cheek in my rosé haze … I can’t remember why (probably something girl power related?), but what I do remember is that I fully missed and wound up smacking her on her lips. She was so mortified.
I wasn’t affected in the moment. I sort of flounced away to swim in the pool and continue being a drunk idiot. I should have asked her if I could give her a kiss on the cheek in the first place, but I didn’t. And then it wasn’t the cheek … IT WAS THE LIPS.
It’s over a week later and I’m still embarrassed. Which is why I need to remember to be kinder to myself. There is nothing I can do to undo that dumb thing I did so, I have to take the lesson and move into the world a little more aware. The girl in question probably doesn’t even remember it happened and I’m still like, FML! Fuck you rosé, you inhibition erasing drink of the Goddesses. Ugh.
If you made some dumbass error you can’t seem let go, please try. Please forgive yourself. You deserve it. We’re all just humans and none of us have any goddamn idea what we’re doing.
This week’s mantras:
- I will forgive myself for the stupid shit I do when I’m drunk (and/or sober).
- I will try to be a more self-aware, even when intoxicated. Drinking is not an excuse for doing bad things.
- I will remind myself that being vulnerable and soft is OK.
- I will take the mistakes I’ve made in stride. I will learn from them and not let them damage my happiness.
Love you. You’re magical. Have a great week.
(P.S. I’m getting married on the 19th so, this will be your last newsletter until the craziness is over! Talk to you soon. Love you!)