Confession: I have responded to hundreds of emails from readers asking for sex and relationship advice. I have taken time, countless hours, out of my days to craft thoughtful, coherent ideas and action plans all for free. Do you know about many times I’ve gotten an email back? Even a simple: “thank you for taking the time?”
6 times. 6 fucking times. Mostly I just never hear back at all.
Listen, I’m not looking for praise. That isn’t why I do what I do. I give free advice because I care about people and want to make their lives better. When I can’t even get a simple thank you, that’s just fucking rude. It makes me not want to help at all. I don’t think it’s particularly far reaching to say that you should be a fucking adult and email someone back who is trying to help you. Don’t be a piece of shit. It is not a good look.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why this happens so often, why people don’t like what I tell them. It’s because people don’t actually come to me wanting advice. They come to me, pouring incredibly personal information onto the page, revealing deep secrets, hoping for one thing: They want me to justify their shitty actions or their partner’s stupid bullshit. They want me to say exactly that they want to hear, not what the need to hear.
People don’t want tough love, they want you to coddle them and tell them everything will be OK. Let me clear. If that’s what you want: I am not your bitch.
You need to get your house in order. Come to me when you want the real talk, not when you want me to hold your hand. I’m not your mom. I’m a sex coach. I’m an advice columnist. And I am real as fuck.
This week’s mantras:
- I will work to acquire self-knowledge and know myself. I will recognize that this is a daily, ongoing practice.
- I will work to instill awareness, development and implementation in my daily life.
- I will be more deliberate with every single action. I will take time to stay in the present moment.
I love you. Have a great week.