My husband had to leave the US on Friday because he can only be here 3 months at a time. I’m moving to London with him in March (which you know if you’ve been keeping up with my newsletters) so, there’s no need for him to have a US visa. He’s Irish (which is hot).
I wish I could say it hurt less every time we need to spend time apart, but the truth is it sucks just as much each time I kiss him goodbye at the airport. We’ll be back together in a month. And a month feels like forever.
In times like these I try to remember how important it is to be grateful for having a love like this, even though everything seems to suck just a little bit more when he’s not around. I’ve relied on him more heavily recently than I might have otherwise. There is a lot going on in my personal and family life that is uncertain. There is a lot of looming big life choices, happenings, and events - and I have very little control of what will happen. On the flip side, my book is launching soon and with so much uncertainty and, frankly, terror for some of the people I love most, it’s hard to celebrate the wins.
We have to allow ourselves the happiness. It’s about being grateful, even when there is a little bit of grief mixed in. When we come to know that we actually want what we already have, we arrive at a high plain of appreciation and even deeper love.
Appreciation is the ultimate antidote to the feelings of wanting or of missing something. This goes for appreciating ourselves, as well as the ones we love. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it’s OK to be satisfied with all we have, and not give into the bombardment of messages from the outside world that we need to be striving for more. If we don’t appreciate all the feel-y feels, even the shitty ones, we’re not embracing what we have.
So, there is a grief in the grateful. And there is grateful with the grief. And we need to accept that. We have to allow ourselves the peace and joy - and allow ourselves to be afraid, sad, or lost.
This week’s mantras:
- With a new year comes new joy.
- I am the only person who controls my destiny.
- I am pure love inside a complex box.
- I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week.