A lot of you, my best beloveds, are like me in that you are not especially well-suited to any environment. Usually the people who are willing to tolerate me long-term are similar to me in that respect - refugees of another universe, perhaps, who feel just a little bit like an interloper in an unbreathable atmosphere no matter where they are.
I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like assimilation is the solution. Every time I try just a little bit of this nitrogen-heavy stuff y'all are breathing, thinking I’ll get used to it with exposure, I start to lose feeling in my extremities. What I mean is that I don’t see good outcomes when I try to make my life conform to normal humans’ schedules or patterns of behavior. Trying to be less like *gestures expansively at self* all of THIS… doesn’t work.
Which is to say that I’m kind of nocturnal now? And that’s why the newsletter has gotten later in the day.
I’m trying to figure it out. I need to formulate a schedule that isn’t tied to a clock, that simply allows blocks of time for specific activities that can be dynamically reshuffled and moved around in a 24-hour period without getting lost. When I try to hem my life in with a lot of timed tasks and appointments, I get this feeling like they’re attaching the cage in Room 101
to my face - like the clamps of a brain-crushing machine are locking around my skull. Looking at a crowded calendar makes me shut down. So I need it to be… more open-ended than that, more abstract.
Making it art helps too, so I’ve been doing a lot of drawing on vellum, trying to put together a good calendar/planner board. There was going to be a dragon on it, because of course, but the dragon didn’t end up fitting. He’s so long he didn’t end up fitting on Instagram
entirely either! You, my congregants, are the only ones who get to see THE FULL DRAGON MONTY. Try to restrain your vapors.