रहने को सदा दहर में आता नहीं कोई
तुम जैसे गए, ऐसे भी जाता नहीं कोई
डरता हूँ कहीं खुश्क न हो जाए समुन्दर
राख अपनी कभी आप बहता नहीं कोई
(lines spoken by Kaifi Azmi on the suicide death of Guru Dutt - for full poem
I noticed him first in the TV series ‘Pavitra Rishta’. More than him, it was his co-star, and real-life girl friend at that time, Ankita Lokhande, who impressed me more. Then I saw him on Jhalak Dikhla Ja. What he did there just shocked me. I realized then, that this guy can do anything.
And, then he walked into movies and became a success. The only such success in movies for someone who came from TV, after Shahrukh Khan.
I found Sushant Singh Rajput to be a very different person. I never knew him and have not known any Bollywood actors in my life, but there was something strange about him.
A sense of vulnerability with a sense of adventure which is beyond normal.
Last year I followed him on Instagram. Somewhere, along the way, he made a decision to delete all his posts and stick to the latest two. Quirky, I thought. And, then he started discussing Quantum Mechanics and entanglement
with a deep sense of involvement. That he was a science student, a national level Olympiad
winner in Physics and an engineering student at the prestigious Delhi College of Engineering before he wiped that part of his life as he moved to entertainment industry probably helped him with that line of seeking within science.
He was searching for the meaning of life I thought. Because those who try to do it on their own in these times, usually end up looking at the cusp of spirituality and science eventually. That is where many come to.
I was there as well.
One realized, after some time, that one needed a Guru. Otherwise, it was just akin to running on a treadmill.
These intellectual pursuits were just straightening the chairs on the deck of the Titanic. They seemed spiritual, but had no real spiritual significance.
He apparently wanted to get there on his own in his own inimitable adventurous way.
All this was happening while he was being linked to a new girl every other month.
He was searching alright!
The physical to alight to the non-physical? A bullock-cart to the moon.
One does not know the real reason for his suicide, but Sushant Singh Rajput was a person searching.
He was intense and wanted it too soon.
And, he had no way to get there. Fearless, adventurous and intense.
Just like his instagram stories, he wiped the entire chapter of his life.
In his search for meaning?
Oh, he could easily have been enlightened.
The intensity, the honesty, the hurry. The courage to go towards death so young and early.
If only the clouded mind had found the clarity and honesty to say - submit.