“We are the 5 people we surround ourselves with.” is a piece of advice that’s plastered all over self-help books. Social neuroscience attests to it as we mimic people around us
Getting to surround ourselves with people who reflect our future is crucial as we become our tribe, literally. No amount of personal development will help us thrive if the people around us do not share the same drive.
The power of association is what’s behind business best friend groups like the Paypal Mafia.
Their clique is composed of Peter Thiel, Elon Musk, Reid Hoffman, and the likes. It’s almost impossible not to thrive when your friend circle wants to get to Mars.
That said, I had a light bulb moment while eating breakfast in a coffee shop here in Taipei.
Can this concept of association be applied to dating and relationships?
If all my best friends’ relationships were with cheaters, and they believe that all men cheat, will that be the standard for my relationships? That my relationships are all bound to fail?
That is if I am not aware that I am being subconsciously influenced.
The answer is— most probably.
Believing otherwise, that loyalty exists, is difficult because:
1.) There seems to be no evidence of loyalty in our immediate circle. 2.) Claiming otherwise will be met with doubt and refutal by those closest to us.
3.) Confirmation bias. The more we believe all men are cheaters, the more we skew behaviors toward our irrational beliefs even if there is no evidence it’s true.
Using this same mechanism, that we are who we surround ourselves with, imagine being surrounded by relationships and families that exemplify what we desire in a relationship.
One grounded in trust, loyalty, and gratitude.
When we start seeing that normal functioning relationships are possible, not just those #cheaterforever #toxic Instagram pages, we start seeing that the relationship we desire is possible.
I personally admire the relationship of billion-dollar entrepreneur Tom Bilyeu and Lisa Bilyeu. They showed me that a relationship built on strong trust + growth-oriented career is possible.
Take time to observe your philosophy on dating and relationships. Is there anything you would like to change about it?
How can you surround yourself more with relationships grounded in values you hold important?
Love the children’s book illustration of Jane Goodall’s story.
Loneliness is love with nowhere to go.
Catch you in the next post!