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What’s In A Surname? - Issue #22

Consonance Club Newsletter
Consonance Club Newsletter
Say my name
Say my name
Hey. How are you? Did you miss me last week?
I was on a 6 months anniversary break, but I’m back now baby! 👻
I wonder if the topic of this newsletter puzzled you or left you intrigued?
But think about it though. What’s in a surname?
 Prestige? Fame? Money? Legacy? Madness? Poverty?
I’m not even sure I know the answers but what do you think when you hear of Gates? Rockerfeller? Awolowo? Otedola? 
If you deep it, it’s similar to the question “Who’s your daddy?” or “Who’s your mummy” as the case maybe. 
Maybe the answer to this question explains why `Do you know who I am?’ is the first thing the average Nigerian says when they hear insort or they smell disrespect. 
Anyway, the reason why we’re talking about surnames today is pretty simple: One surname don dey enter my eye and you’ve probably seen it in the news.
What’s in the name Holmes?
Yes, we’re talking about Eniola, no Enola, no Elizabeth Holmes. 
Before I even go into the full story of this hanty, I just want to show you people that generational curse is a thing and it doesn’t only affect Nigerians. 
Let’s just trace this thing with tracing paper. 
Festofost, the movie Enola Holmes was absolute shit.😭
God in heavens knows that I will not forgive the people that hyped that movie to me on Twitter. 
Promised a lot, but delivered squat, just like what anty Elizabeth did in real life. 
For a little context on why blood is thicker than water; Sherlock Holmes is a popular fictional character, who is the elder brother of Enola and a detective in the movie Enola Holmes. 
With all the sense wey them talk say he get, he still couldn’t unravel his sister, now na the same thing with hanty Eliza, because she actually hired her brother in her startup and I wonder if he knew. 
What Really Happened With Elizabeth Holmes?
Let’s start from the beginning. Elizabeth had the makings and the markings of a star.
She had the perfect tech bro story.
Dropped out of Stanford University, armed with a lot of black coloured turtlenecks, a couple of motivational quotes like
 ‘ There’s no dream you can’t achieve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise"
She was set for the big stage.
She entered the ‘blown’ startup founder scene with a startup called Theranos 
PS: The second point to discovering a scam is to know if they have funny names like a fictional character that wears 6 rings💀
She was previously declared the world’s youngest female billionaire with a net worth of around 4.5 billion US dollars.
Theranos was a blood testing startup valued at $9 billion US dollars. The idea was this: create a product that can run blood tests using only a finger prick and a little amount of blood to detect around 200 illnesses/diseases.
Something like an HIV test procedure but faster & tests for much more stuff like cancer, cholesterol levels etc.
Of course, it was a brilliant idea. If Theranos had ever really taken off or even worked, it would have saved patients and doctors time, money, commercialise and speed up the early diagnosis of a number of diseases. 
Theranos could have potentially been wearing Unicorn perfume. Anyway, this was in 2014.
What Was The Problem?
The ‘meichine’ that aunty Lizzy said she had patented and named ‘Edison’ didn’t actually work that well.
It gave a number of inaccurate results and there’s even doubt if it ever really worked at all because a number of the tests they were carrying were done by the same regular lab equipment.
You know those people that make Hennessy VSOP with Garawa under Ikeja Underbridge? Yeah, something like that.
How Did She Carry Out This Scam For So Long?
Aunty Lizzy collected money from investors with a work ethic of secrecy: she wouldn’t actually tell them how the Theranos tech (meichine Edison) worked.
They probably pumped money into Theranos because they believed she knew what she was doing and the potential of ‘cashing out’
Moving rocket theory I guess.🌚
Plus, she also graced the cover of Forbes, Vogue, gave TED Talks, Fortune Global Forum etc. Invictus Obi wey go Stanford 😁
Plus, she had the SV startup founder thing on key. 
With her black turtlenecks, deep voice,good family background and a portfolio of some high profile investors like the founder of Oracle and the US Secretary of State, she was a star!
What could go wrong, yonno?
How Did We Now See The Yansh of The FOWL?
It was a Wall Street whistleblower report that exposed everything. 
Some scientists at Theranos complained that Edison was inaccurate and the suspicions grew from there.
Medicare, the FDA, everyone started looking into Theranos. Like, wussup sis? This Fabu no dey add up!
What's The Story Now?
Lizzybaby is facing fraud charges, conspiracy to commit wire fraud amongst other civil lawsuits.
She could possibly be facing 20 years in jail and nearly $3million dollars in fines.
The matter is currently in court.
What’s Interesting About This Story?
Short answer? E be like feem.
She was dating a man named Sunny Balwani who became the president of Theranos. 
This man was 21 years older than her, not that age is anything but a number, but she kicked him out of the company when things got sour.
She had a number of weird and funny personal quirks.
She drove around in a bulletproof car, had guards with her  all the time, used to send catering to her office by 8pm to entice staff to work overtime, plus, she had a dog that used to come into the office all the darn time.
When her charges started, this woman got freed for a brief period & she got married!
The trial had to be paused at different times because of Covid and then because she was pregnant. 
The last interesting thing is that some people don’t think she did anything wrong. 
In their arguments, she could have been working on the product, but that one doesn’t concern me..
You…
What do you think?🤔
That’s all for today. See you next week!
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