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Emanu-News 2022-03-04 בְּשׂוֹרוֹת עִמָּנוּ

Emanu-News  בְּשׂוֹרוֹת עִמָּנוּ
Emanu-News 2022-03-04 בְּשׂוֹרוֹת עִמָּנוּ
By Congregation Emanu-El • Issue #515 • View online
Weekly news from Congregation Emanu-El, Victoria, B.C.

Attention webmail users: because this newsletter is clipped by many mail services, you may miss out on the fun of “The Last Word” and “Lateral Thinking.” To avoid this, please view the newsletter online.
Emanu-El News
Welcome Back to In-Person Services in the Sanctuary!
Purim 2022: A Backyard Event
Pesach Market 2022
Congregation Emanu-El AGM 2022
Documentary Film Screening with Sara Yacobi-Harris and Tema Smith
Join the Bēma Team!
Photo Contest, Naturally
“My apologies to the tree felled for four table legs”
-Wislawa Szymborska, “Under A Certain Little Star.” Trans. Joanna Trzeciak
Shabbat 2 Adar ll, 5782
The Week Ahead
  • Friday March 4, 12:30pm: Mystic Moka (CANCELLED)
  • Saturday March 5, 10:00am: Shabbat Services (Connect)
  • Tuesday March 8, 12:30pm: Brown Bag Beit Midrash (Connect)
  • Tuesday March 8, 7:00pm: Adult B’nei Mitzvah
  • Tuesday March 8, 7:00pm: Tanakh Shiur (Register)
  • Wednesday, March 9, 7:00pm: Ḥug Ivrit (Register)
  • Thursday March 10, 7:00am: Thursday morning minyan (Connect)
  • Thursday March 10, 7:00pm: Judaism—An Introduction
View the full calendar on the web (mobile-friendly view). See above for Zoom links to events offered virtually.
ICYMI (In Case You Missed It)
Emanu-El Shabbat Dinners Moving Forward Again!
In Other News
Yiddish Book Centre Workshop
Hebrew Q&A
Has English grammar become part of Hebrew recently? (E.g., as I’m going to+<verb>, or more+<adverb/adjective> instead of <adverb/adjective>+more?)
Test Your Lateral Thinking
A man was wanted for burglarizing dozens of businesses over a period of almost a year. Surveillance footage from the businesses clearly showed this man’s face, and the local news station showed this footage to viewers on many occasions. The local police department even placed “Wanted” posters around the community to help catch the burglar. However, when he was spotted by two police officers familiar with the burglaries, he was not arrested. What happened?
* Nothing To Do With Being Jewish
* Nothing To Do With Being Jewish
Community Connections
Letter of Thanks and How to Help
Submit your own Community Connections Article
Want to say thank you to someone in the community? Advertise a small job? Submit a Community Connections article and your brief message may be published in an upcoming newsletter.
We now have online forms to simply the submission of news, website change requests, and Community Connection ads:
The deadline for each of these is noon on the Friday before the intended issue.
Donation to Offer?
The Congregation Emanu-El community is sustained by contributions from members of the synagogue, the larger Jewish community, and the public. We are deeply grateful for contributions of any size for sustaining our synagogue. 
A list of our charitable funds is available at
We accept Visa & Mastercard, or you may post a cheque or phone the synagogue office during regular business hours.
Synagogue Office
Congregation Emanu-El, 1461 Blanshard St., Victoria, BC V8W 2J3, Canada
Office hours:
  • Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday from 9:30 am – 2:30 pm
  • Friday 9:30 am – 12:00 pm
About this Newsletter
Copyright © 2021 Congregation Emanu-El. All rights reserved.
Editorial Board:
  • News Editors: Katie Stafford, Oz Dovauo
  • NTDWBJ, TYLT, & Last Word: Jonathan Ure Stoppi
  • Communications Committee Chair: Lincoln Shlensky
  • Reviewers: Rabbi Harry, Susan Holtz
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The Last Word
Schlesinger’s wife Betty was driving along, and passed over a bridge at speed, only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. 
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk, and asked, “What’s your hurry?”
“I’m late for work,” Betty replied, somewhat impatiently. 
“Oh yeah?” said the cop, “What do you do?”
“I’m a Rectum Stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered. “A what?…”
“A Rectum Stretcher!”
“And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6-foot arsehole?” he asked.
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Congregation Emanu-El

Weekly news of Congregation Emanu-El, Victoria, B.C.

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1461 Blanshard St., Victoria BC V8W 2J3