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Book Freak - Issue #79: Recognize Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence


Book Freak

March 16 · Issue #79 · View online

Short pieces of advice from books

This issue of Book Freak presents four pieces of advice from The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, by Gavin de Becker

Beware of the person who doesn’t take no for an answer
“‘No’ is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you… Declining to hear ‘no’ is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it. With strangers, even those with the best intentions, never, ever relent on the issue of ‘no,‘ because it sets the stage for more efforts to control. If you let someone talk you out of the word ‘no,’ you might as well wear a sign that reads, “'You are in charge.‘ The worst response when someone fails to accept ‘no’ is to give ever-weakening refusals and then give in.” 
Pay heed to your intuition
“We think conscious thought is somehow better, when in fact, intuition is soaring flight compared to the plodding of logic. Nature’s greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is never more efficient or invested than when its host is at risk. Then, intuition is catapulted to another level entirely, a height at which it can accurately be called graceful, even miraculous. Intuition is the journey from A to Z without stopping at any other letter along the way. It is knowing without knowing why.” 
Don’t wait for help, choose someone to help you
“A woman alone who needs assistance is actually far better off choosing someone and asking for help, as opposed to waiting for an unsolicited approach. The person you choose is nowhere near as likely to bring you hazard as is the person who chooses you. That’s because the possibility that you’ll inadvertently select a predatory criminal for whom you are the right victim type is very remote. I encourage women to ask other women for help when they need it, and it’s likewise safer to accept an offer from a woman than from a man. ” 
Recognize the difference bewteen fear and worry
“After decades of seeing worry in all its forms, I’ve concluded that it hurts people much more than it helps. It interrupts clear thinking, wastes time, and shortens life. When worrying, ask yourself, “How does this serve me?” and you may well find that the cost of worrying is greater than the cost of changing. To be freer of fear and yet still get its gift, there are three goals to strive for. They aren’t easy to reach, but it’s worth trying:
1) When you feel fear, listen.
2) When you don’t feel fear, don’t manufacture it.
3) If you find yourself creating worry, explore and discover why.” 
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