Today’s Big Stuff 8.5.22

Happy Friday (Scream Day!). There are 95 days until the midterm elections. The FBI let Kavanaugh get away, holy crap we’ve got a deal in the Senate and even more holy crap look at that jobs report. 

Be advised: This newsletter contains cussing. The people who write it do too, and they’re about to let that shit out in a couple hours.

Note: HAPPY SCREAM DAY, SEXY PATRIOTS!!! It’s finally here! Today at 1 pm ET is the Great American Scream. As we’ve said from the beginning, this is either a great idea to help us all blow off some steam, or it’s a great way to spread a virus and accelerate killing our planet. We are really hoping it’s the former. 

In the days after Roe fell, we heard from y’all more than we ever had before. Our hearts were broken and our anger was off the fucking charts. We just wanted to scream. And then we figured y’all probably did too. And so the Great American Scream was born. 

Yesterday we asked y’all what you’ll be screaming today. We suggested that we would be going with FUUUUUCCCCKKKK. But as we sat here yesterday afternoon reading emails from you insanely Sexy Patriots, we realized that we needed a new scream. Besides, FUUUCCCCKKKK is really more of our everyday scream anyay.

We started this newsletter a few years ago for like six people as a way to cope with the endless and absurd horrors of Trumpland. And it just kept growing, bringing our hopes and faith in this country along with it. So today we will be screaming THANK YOU to you Sexy Patriots. Y’all have been a constant source of inspiration and comfort for us, and we are so fucking grateful that we’re going to scream about it. 

That said, shit is still all fucked up. Did you see that thing about the planet spinning faster? What the fuck is that all about? So yeah, there’s still a whole lot to scream about. Let us know how it goes. Take a picture, a video or just tell us how it went down on Twitter using #GreatAmericanScream. And please try not to get arrested.

We love y’all, and we can’t wait to hear you today. Let ‘er rip!

Note two: We will admit that when we came up with the Scream, it never occurred to us that Democrats would be on a win streak unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Senate Republicans had a press conference this morning and Lindsey Graham looked like he was about to cry. And that motherfucker’s tears are sweeter than Yoohoo. Just look at this whiny loser…

Note three: We’re saving it for the news section, but holy fucking shit did you see that jobs report? 

Note four: How do you think these guys are taking it?

Note five: Ok so this is huge. That Russian asshole Lavrov says Russia is ready to talk prisoner swap. Thank goodness. We need to get Brittney and Paul home. More: CNN

Note six: We don’t think we’ve ever done a TBS with this much good news. It’s kinda jarring. Here’s some more. Remember the Memphis DA who prosecuted Pamela Moses for mistakenly registering to vote and Moses got six fucking years? Well she lost her election last night. Now she has lots of free time to be the fucking worst. More: HuffPost

Note seven: We still don’t like Kyrsten Sinema.

Note eight: This scumbag was sentenced to three years for threatening Dr. Fauci. When are we putting Rand Paul away? More: WTOP

Note nine: This is really awful. A bolt of lightning killed two people outside the White House. More: CNN

Note 10: Well hell fucking yeah, Merrick Garland. This is what we’re talkin’ about! Never doubted you for a second, champ!

Note 11: For your enjoyment, here are Republicans making excuses for why they got their fascist asses handed to them in Kansas on Tuesday. More: HuffPost

Note 12: The Texas jury hearing Alex Jones defamation case handed out $4.1 million in damages to the Sandy Hook parents. Today we’re waiting to find out what punitive damages will be. We genuinely hope they sink that sick fucker for eternity. More: The Guardian

Note 13: So this is some seriously scary shit, and we all need to be ready to stop Ron DeSantis. We really liked Florida, and we miss it being part of the United States of America. More: CNN

Note 14: We don’t want to get your or our hopes up, but this shit with Trump and DOJ is getting real interesting. More: CNN

Note 15: It’s hard to criticize President Joey Badass when he’s on the roll he’s currently on, but this shit is not cool. He really needs to clean these rats out of the government and end these cover-ups. 

Note 16: CPAC had an actual Nazi come speak and they gave him a standing ovation. Also, is CPAC every weekend now? More: NBC News

Note 17: Peter Navarro is a shart. Like if a fart turned out to be diarrhea and then turned out to be a person, you’d get Peter. More: CNN

Note 18: Biden still tested positive for COVID yesterday. Does that shit somehow turn him into a super president?

Note 19: We don’t know what to say about that Dick Cheney ad, so we’re just gonna treat it the way he treated the truth about the Iraq War and ignore him.

Note 20: Alrighty, you gorgeous freedom fighters, let’s do some news and then let’s do some SCREAMING!!! Thousands of people have signed up to join today’s Scream (it was well over 30k last night), so you won’t be alone. And as long as we have a newsletter, that will always be the case. Let’s kick some ass, SPs! 

Let’s get the ugly shit out of the way. Yesterday FBI director Chris Wray testified in front of a Senate committee, and thanks to questioning from Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, Wray admitted that the FBI took every fucking tip about Kavanaugh and gave them to the Trump White House. Yeah, so just as we all knew all along, the FBI helped the Trump White House run a sham investigation into a Supreme Court nominee who had credibly been accused of attempted sexual assault. But hey, at least that piece of shit didn’t have a hand in taking away basic human rights from millions of women. Oh wait. 

More: CNN

So we were pretty fucking stunned yesterday when selfish jackass Kyrsten Sinema agreed to the Schumer-Manchin climate deal. We honestly thought she would tank the whole thing, and of course it ain’t over yet. We had to give her rich buddies a break to get her on board, but holy shit we’re really doing this, y’all. Republicans are straight up apoplectic. It’s delicious.

More: CNN

We talked about it earlier but DID Y’ALL SEE THE SIZE OF THAT FUCKING JOBS REPORT?! Last month, the economy added 528,000 jobs. We were told to expect 200,000. The unemployment rate is down to 3.5 percent, we’ve recovered all the jobs we lost during the pandemic and Fox News hosts are so confused they don’t know whether to scratch their watch or wind their ass. President Joey Badass is the jobs president. Mitch McConnell and all that recession talk can eat a big bag of shit. 

More: CNBC

NO CLIPS LET’S SCREAM, BABY!!!!!