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Today’s Big Stuff 7.26.22

Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
Today’s Big Stuff 7.26.22
It’s Tuesday. There are 105 days until the midterm elections. Biden hits Trump over Jan. 6., Pence’s chief of staff gets a subpoena and Georgia Republicans start trying to purge voters. 
Be advised: This newsletter uses a lot of cuss words. We’d look dumb telling Mitch McConnell to go fudge himself.

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! How in the wide world of sports are you? That good, huh? Yeah, us too. But hey, we’ve got something to warm your heart and inspire all you romantics out there. This is a story about a wedding and a parent’s love. And who doesn’t love love, right? Well apparently this fucking asshole.
CNN Politics
GOP Rep. Glenn Thompson attended his gay son’s wedding last week, three days after opposing a bill in the US House that would enshrine protections for same-sex marriage into federal law, CNN has confirmed. https://t.co/xSFq9qCOOQ
Um, congratulations? Now we were gonna just go the fuck off on this miserable scum, but then someone sent us a transcript of his toast. So please enjoy…
Transcript: Hi, everyone. It’s me. The fucking worst. (Crowd boos) Yes, it’s the biggest fucking hypocrite on the fucking planet in the flesh. When my son was little, I promised to love and protect him, but only him. I decided right then and there that I would bestow privilege on him and everyone else could go fuck themselves. I love my son. Everyone else not so much. I’ve always known I’m a shithead. But being a parent means being a shithead to everyone except your own kid. I want both of you to know that I love you, and I’m excited to be here even though I hate what you’re doing and think this is an abomination. (Crowd gasps) I’m talking about the crabcakes! (Audience member: No you weren’t, you fucking monster!). Look, if it’s wrong to vote against protecting people’s basic rights one week and then show up at a celebration of those very rights a few days later like it’s no big deal, then I don’t want to be right. (Audience member: You’re not, you fucking chode!). Now, son, please let me finish my toast. So please raise a glass to the happy couple. May they adopt and build a big beautiful family that my friends and I can tear apart just as soon as possible. I hate you all, I hate Americans and I really hate myself. Cheers! 
Wow. That dude seems like he has some problems. Let’s make sure we don’t ever put him in the House majority. Have a great day, SPs! 
Note two: You know you’re living a weird life when your Tuesday starts off with a google search to make sure you’re spelling “chode” right. 
Note three: We’re getting closer! The Great American Scream is scheduled for Aug. 5 at 1 pm ET. Rumor has it, we’re gonna have some art to help promote this thing that could be dropping as soon as tomorrow. Y’all been warming up?
Note four: So we’re gonna talk more about Pence in the news section, but can we take a moment to just point and laugh at that pathetic loser? He gave a speech today that DC reporters say is him warming up to run for president. And he’s got a book coming out called “So Help Me God.” The original title started with “My Boss is Trying to Kill My Family and Me, So Help Me God.” But they cut off the beginning because he’s a sorry kiss-ass. Good luck, Mike! More: CNN
Note five: Btw, don’t worry about Pence ever being president. The party that tried to kill him ain’t gonna elect him, and the only people who don’t know that work at CNN and the Washington Post.
Note six: Merrick Garland is doing an interview with Lester Holt this evening. Is it cool that we’re worried about what he’s gonna say? Because we’re worried about what he’s gonna say.
Note seven: Russia is pulling out of the space station. Why does that sound like a euphemism for something Elon Musk should do? More: NBC News
Note eight: Are you on twitter? Want to follow a badass young superstar who told Matt Gaetz to take his bullshit and choke on it? We thought so.
Olivia Julianna 🗳
Am I not a little too old for you Matt? I know you have a thing for targeting teenagers but 19 is on the cusp don’t you think? https://t.co/kmScakMjpz
Note nine: It is just impossible for us to give a fuck about this microchip bill. Where are we on saving democracy? More: CNBC
Note 10: So this week’s recommendation for a new show is really out there. It’s animated, it’s violent, it’s profane and it’s about women’s empowerment. The third season of HBO’s “Harley Quinn” starts this Thursday, but you can catch up on the first two seasons. 
Note 11: Hi, we live in a country where abortion is now basically illegal in many places. And just like millions of people warned us, that has resulted in women’s suffering. The press and our leaders need to be talking about this more. And maybe someone could ask Mitch McConnell about the consequences of his fucked up actions. More: NPR
Note 12: Is Georgia the only place that’s going to hold Trump and his traitors accountable? More: AJC
Note 13: Huge LOVE to Wanda Sykes for taking a stand and refusing to help Trump trash rehab their images. More: Yahoo Sports
Note 14: So JD Vance is a goddamn inhuman monster, and everyone who told us Hillbilly Elegy was an important work can kiss our asses. We really need to elect Tim Ryan. More: Vanity Fair
Note 15: Releasing more material like this is a strong move. We have lots of unpleasant cuss words for so much of this Congress, but damn if the Jan. 6 committee hasn’t just crushed it. 
Rep. Elaine Luria
It took more than 24 hours for President Trump to address the nation again after his Rose Garden video on January 6th in which he affectionately told his followers to go home in peace.

There were more things he was unwilling to say. https://t.co/cJBIX5ROxs
Note 16: Republicans want to go after Fauci if they win in November. Rand Paul’s jealousy over Fauci being a real doctor is going to become policy. More: The Hill
Note 17: So there’s a lot to get done on Capitol Hill, zero time to do it and our people keep getting sick. Maybe taking the whole August recess is a dumb idea. More: NBC News
Note 18: Biden said yesterday that he doesn’t believe we’re going to have a recession. But he also said “God willing,” and so now we’re all nervous. More: CNN
Note 19: As we close today, we just want to say how bummed we are that the other TBS is canceling Samantha Bee’s show. She was a crucial voice in late-night television, and we will miss her. More: Variety
Note 20: Alrighty, you gorgeous freedom fighters, let’s do some news! We hope your week is off to a great start. We’ve only got 105 days until the midterms, so let’s make every day count. Sorry. Let’s make every FUCKING day count. That’s better. Love y’all!
Hell yeah
Yesterday Joe Biden told Trump to eat shit and go fuck himself. Ok so he didn’t put it exactly like that, but he did go after Trump for his bullshit claims of loving the police and law and order. Well, here, see for yourself. We need more of this. 
Andrew Bates
.@POTUS: On Jan. 6th, police were "speared, sprayed, stomped on, brutalized. And lives were lost. And for three hours – the defeated former president of the United States watched it all happen...Donald Trump lacked the courage to act." https://t.co/GDJd89Vysd
Mother!
Failed 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence’s chief of staff Marc Short confirmed yesterday that he did appear under subpoena before a D.C. grand jury investigating the Jan. 6 attack. Pence’s lawyer did too. What did they ask about? Eastman and Giuliani. We ran out of patience with Garland a long time ago, but we tend to be impatient when it comes to attacks on the United States. Let’s hope we’ve been wrong the whole time.
More: CNN
Jim Crow
Remember when Georgia Republicans responded to Trump’s coup by passing new voting laws to try and appease him? Remember when wealthy white reporters said it was no big deal and it was hyperbolic to call the laws Jim Crow 2.0? Well you won’t believe this, but it turns out Republicans had bad intentions all along. And now they want to purge hundreds of thousands of voters. Congrats to John Roberts and Mitch McConnell. This is what they wanted.
More: AJC
Today’s clips
Former President Donald Trump will return to Washington on Tuesday for the first time since he left office, delivering a speech at the America First Policy Institute’s two-day summit. More: CNN
The temperatures in Portland, Oregon, could top 100 degrees Fahrenheit (37.8 Celsius) on Tuesday, making it likely the hottest day of a week-long heat wave for the Pacific Northwest region that rarely sees such scorching weather. More: HuffPost
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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