Note 14: Isn’t it kinda fucking nuts that Cruz wants to defend marriage but wouldn’t even defend his own wife? What a miserable piece of pimple shit.
Here’s one of those oh-this-looks-like-good-news-but-it-wouldn’t-have-to-happen-in-the-first-place-if-America-wasn’t-such-a-backwards-shithole. More: Indy Star
Note 16: Over the weekend, The Guardian asked if Tucker Carlson should run for president. Mainstream jackasses tweeted it out. We have a question of our own — has everyone lost their fucking minds?! NO GODDAMN LINKS
It is nothing short of terrifying how broken the Secret Service is. When do the hearings start? More: Yahoo News
Trump’s judges are a disease this country will be infected with for a long goddamn time. Like herpes but without the charm. More: NY Times
Need some good news? A Wisconsin focus group says Trump is definitely guilty as fuck. So can we get Merrick Garland into a Wisconsin focus group? More: Axios
Congrats to Benifer. We always knew that Gigli was a fluke and true love is real. More: People
Note 21: Alright, SPs, let’s do some motherflipping news and shit. We’re gonna be talking about the Great American Scream a lot in the coming days (we also might take Friday off). But get excited, y’all! We fucking need it!
What a fucking loser
What do you get when you combine a micro-penis with micro-brains and soak it in cheap whiskey? The former fucking White House doctor. Yeah, disgraced scumbag and current Republican congressman Ronny Jackson put out a new ad over the weekend that is a shocking combo of over compensation and pure derangement. Loser is holding a couple of machine guns and daring Biden to come take it. Meanwhile, the rest of us have seen from Uvalde just how tough these Texas guys are. Try not to piss yourself today, Ronny.
Thursday night we’re getting a primetime hearing, and we are already popping popcorn. So it’s probably going to be stale by then. This hearing will be led by Adam Kinzinger, and it will focus on the fact that Trump did exactly jack shit when his terrorists were ransacking the United States Capitol. Let’s hope this isn’t the last hearing. They have been insanely effective.
The consequences of taking away basic human rights from millions of women are quickly coming into view, and it turns out that it’s really fucked up and all kinds of shitty to be ruled by the fucking taliban. Every fucking day we’re ready stories about women’s health being endangered by hospitals and doctors who don’t want to go to jail because they accidentally helped a woman not die and pissed off Boss Hogg in the fucking process.
A Republican candidate for U.S. Senate
in Maryland has been arrested on charges of making a false report of child trafficking. More: HuffPost
Support Today’s Big Stuff
If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com
Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.
Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.
So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.