Today's Big Stuff 7.11.22





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Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
It’s Monday. There are 120(!!!) days until the midterm elections. Elon elon’t buy twitter, gas prices are dropping and it’s hearing week, baby. 
Be advised: This newsletter uses cuss words like fuck. It’s way less offensive than taking away basic human rights from millions of people. 
Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! How the effing heck are you today? That good, huh? Well we’re hanging in there too. Every once in a while, we try to get to a museum over the weekend to take in some art and beauty to wash away the horror and bullshit, and we thought we’d share a new piece with you we saw…

Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦
Trump rally tonight. Not photoshopped. Trump called them up on stage. The 2022 Republican Party.
Good lord would you look at those two. It’s like Kid Rock took a shit on American Gothic. And, Sexy Patriots, you know we got an exclusive fake interview with these degenerate losers. So please welcome Ricky and Delilah Taintmouth. 
TBS: Hi, welcome to the show. What the fuck is wrong with you? 
Delilah: Well Ricky here is real good at coming up with genius t-shirt ideas. He made a tank top that’s just a close-up picture of our dog’s anus.
TBS: That sounds disgusting.
Ricky: Oh it is. And our dog hates me now. Wore that shirt to our wedding though. 
TBS: So are you guys married or siblings?
Ricky: Yes.
TBS: Um what does that mean?
Delilah: Well we was brother and sister but now we’re man and wife.
TBS: Oh dear god.
Ricky: Yeah, we’re cousins too.
TBS: You’re an abomination and obviously Trump supporters.
Delilah: Yep and you want to hear the worst part?
TBS: Definitely not. 
Ricky: We’re still not as bad as Giuliani.
TBS: Welp, can’t argue with you there. Thanks for joining us, Taintmouths. 
Note two: Hey so on Friday, one of the companies we work with to distribute TBS had a problem, and some of y’all were unable to open links. We are so sorry, and if it makes you feel any better, we cussed that company to hell and back. We’re hoping the problem has been fixed today. If not, we’ll cuss them some more. Sorry about that, y’all.
Note three: Paul Ryan sobbed when Jan. 6 happened? Yeah, and he probably shit himself when Trump went to St. John’s. Excuse us but why the fuck does anyone care if Paul Ryan is crying anymore? More: CNN
Note four: We made progress on the Great American Scream over the weekend, and we hope to have some news to share with y’all in the next day or two.
Note five: Want some good news/bad news about the president? Ok, bad news first. A new NYT poll says that Biden has a 33 percent approval rating and 64 percent of Democrats want someone else to run in 2024. The good news is even with those shit numbers, he’s still beating Trump. More: Axios
Note six: There is no disputing that our party is divided right now over Biden. And that’s ok. We can still come together and win when we need to. We’re a party that allows dissent and criticism of our leaders. It’s the other guys who throw people out for not kissing the leader’s ass. So if folks want to vent, let ‘em vent. It’s the American way.
Note seven: Btw, the decision over the weekend to have the White House communications director attack activists who want to see more action and urgency after the fall of Roe was one of the most tone deaf self-defeating moves we’ve seen in a while. We get that the White House is frustrated, but take it out on Republicans and not the people who got you elected. More: Washington Post
Note eight: We found the dumbest person on the planet. He had someone managed to squeeze his head up his own ass. And even he doesn’t trust Steve Bannon. More: CNBC
Note nine: Well goddamnit. Schumer has COVID. And just when we thought reconciliation was really gonna happen. More: CNN
Note 10: Ok this made us LOL. And in a good way.
Eric Cortellessa
This weekend in Rehoboth, a secret service officer on POTUS’s detail fell off his bike with Biden a few feet behind him. “It wasn’t me!” Biden screamed to onlookers.
Note 11: Texas is so committed to going back to the 1800s they’re giving up on electricity. More: Reuters
Note 12: This is a great story about Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s dual role responding to Dobbs — as a governor and a mother of daughters. More: Washington Post
Note 13: Today the president is meeting with mass shooting survivors and victims to celebrate the new gun law. More: NBC News
Note 14: We need to talk about how gross it is that a bunch of white dudes in the mainstream media were more than happy to help Trump try to smear Cassidy Hutchinson. More: Yahoo Finance
Note 15: Rage Against the Machine returned to the stage this weekend. Mind the strobe lights, but see the message.
Wu-Tang Is For The Children
RATM played their first show in 11 years last night…they’ve been missed
Note 16: All the assholes who talk about freedom of religion and persecution are surely howling over Jewish services having to be canceled, right? Right?! More: CNN
Note 17: Btw, in Alaska this weekend, Trump was bragging about taking down Roe. Y’all wanna make him eat that shit in 120 days? Us too.
Anchorage Daily News
During today's Anchorage rally, Trump celebrated recent Supreme Court rulings, including the one that overturned Roe v. Wade; criticized Biden; exalted his own time in office; echoed false claims about the 2020 election; and took repeated aim at Murkowski.
Note 18: Mike Lindell now says Trump will be reinstated on Aug. 20 or 21. He also says crack is awesome. NO LINK
Note 19: The Oath Keepers had a kill list. Fuck that normal tour bullshit. More: CNN
Note 20: Alrighty, you beautiful SPs, let’s do some news. We’re so glad to be back with y’all today, and we hope you had a great weekend. Ready to kick some ass this week? Sweet. Let’s do it. Love y’all!
Elon Musk finally pulled out, but once again it was too late. Yeah, the broken robot who has been terrorizing us probably never really wanted to buy it anyway, but he first wanted to tank Tesla stock and show everyone he’s a right-wing scumbag. Twitter is going to sue him to try and force him to complete the deal, but that ain’t happening. So now we wait and see what gross shit Elon does next and which damaged billionaire Twitter sells us all out to. Fun times. More: Bloomberg
Gas prices are finally dropping. The average price has dropped 19 cents over the past two weeks. It’s still crazy expensive, but it is coming down. So maybe this country can remember that gas prices go up and down but fascism is forever. More: Associated Press
Let’s go!
It’s hearing week, baby. We’ve got not one but two hearings this week. The first is tomorrow at 1 pm ET. The second one is Thursday in primetime. These hearings have been intense as hell, and we’re not expecting anything different this week. As you get ready for them, we encourage you to read this oped — “I Was Betrayed by President Trump” — that Sergeant Acquilino Gonell published this weekend. More: New York Times
Today’s clips
Phoenix Mercury star Brittney Griner was at the forefront of everyone’s mind as the WNBA All-Star game tipped off in Chicago on Sunday.
Griner was named an honorary All-Star player this year and every effort was made to spread awareness of her situation. More: CNN
Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.) said Sunday that Donald Trump’s former White House counsel Pat Cipollone provided valuable information to the Jan. 6 panel about Trump’s “dereliction of duty” on Jan. 6, 2021. More: Huff Post
Chip in and buy Sam and Adam a cup of coffee here!
Chip in and buy Sam and Adam a cup of coffee here!
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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