Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots. You ever had one of those weeks where Monday is an S, Tuesday is a H, Wednesday is a I and Thursday is a T? Yeah, us too. But it could’ve been worse. Someone could’ve leaked a video of us doin’ our cousin in the face. WHAT?!
LOL yeah, don’t worry. We’re not posting that shit because you seriously can’t unsee it and even for us it’s pretty fucked up. But yeah Madison Cawthorn appears to have had a recorded and rather aggressive and nekkid encounter with his cousin’s grill. It’s like that video where he was punching trees in that you’ll have the same reaction while watching it — Oh what’s this? What is that? Seriously what the fuck is that? Wait. Wait is that? Is he? Oh my. Well that looks like it hurts. Yikes. That guy has some serious anger issues. Who put this out? Oh shit! You can tell this guy is friends with Newt Gingrich. Have other people seen this? Dude. Whoa. Wow! That was fucking crazy!
Tell us you didn’t sound just like that when you saw it.
Now we’ve seen quite a few folks think this is a video of Madison having gay sex with his cousin. It’s not, and if Madison wants to face-bang consenting adults, good for him. But the cousin part is real, and we’ll sure as shit make fun of someone for nekkid grabass with his cousin. We call it the Giuliani principle. Basically anyone who is so depraved that they think of a family reunion the way Larry thought of the Regal Beagle shouldn’t be in public office. And this part is coming from Sam. And he’s from Kentucky! So congrats to Madison Cawthorn on getting lectured by some dude from Kentucky about why you shouldn’t hook up with your cousin.
Anyway, it’s been a fucking nightmare week and we know y’all have been through it, so please feel free to have a cheap (non-homophobic) laugh at Madison Cawthorn’s expense. And if you start to feel bad that Republican leadership is slowly destroying him, just remember fuck him.
No, Cawthorn cousins, we’re not talking to you.
Note two: So this is probably a good time to say welcome to our new subscribers. Welcome!
Note three: We want to give a big TBS shoutout today to our friend Mary Trump. Mary has been enormously supportive of what we’re doing here at cussword daily, and she’s working hard to push back the orange wave. Thanks, Mary!
Note four: We want to send the opposite of a TBS shoutout to the dude who wrote to tell us we’re too adolescent. Yeah, we called him a farthead and blocked his ass.
Starbucks is doing some truly disgusting shit to try and stop its employees from organizing. So if you can get your coffee elsewhere, we recommend it. More: The Guardian
Note six: Can someone explain to us why elected Democrats followed up the Roe news by signing on to some bullshit from Ted Cruz? We need more from our leadership, and we need it right fucking now.