Note: LOL. All we can say, Sexy Patriots, is nope. Hell fucking nope to monkeypox. Yeah, if you were one of the lucky ones who haven’t seen it, we apparently now have to worry about something called monekypox. Since every dumbshit on the planet is doing his or her own research these days, we figured we were overdue to get in on it. So we went to Facebook and what we found out will shock you.
It turns out that this is not a naturally occurring disease. The truth is actually much more insidious. The monkeypox are (long dramatic pause) MADISON CAWTHORN! GASP! It’s true! Do you think it’s a coincidence that we had to start looking out for this shit the second lil’’ tree-puncher found a bunch of free time? Hell no! So we tracked that fucker down, and he agreed to sit for an interview. Here is a transcript of that very not real interview with Monkeypox Cawthorn…
TBS: You really are just the fucking worst aren’t you?
MMP: Dudes! How did y’all know it was me?!
TBS: Well, we saw how awful that shit is and we knew how fucking awful you are so we just put two and two together.
TBS: And we got four. Jesus.
MMP: Jesus! That’s who I pretend to follow!
TBS: Yeah, we know, asshole. So why did you turn into monkeypox?
MMP: Well, as y’all know, I am a horrible human being. Like one of the worst. And I just figured since I got beat this is a good way I can keep being a terrible and dangerous piece of shit.
TBS: How did you do it?
MMP: Rand Paul does shit like this in his garage all the time. That’s the real reason his neighbor kicked his ass. Rand was trying to turn the guy into a nasty cholera strain.
TBS: Well that’s fucked up. Does your family have it?
MMP: What do you think?
TBS: Oh right.
Ok so that was pretty dumb. But is it any dumber than all the stupid COVID shit the right made up? Exactly. We hope y’all have a kick-ass week!
Note two: We wanted to start with something funny today because we’re so mad we can’t stand it. Mitch McConnell this year said that African-Americans aren’t real Amerians, and then his members spent weeks smearing the nation’s first Black woman SCOTUS justice as a friend to pedophiles. Herschel Walker is an abusive nutbjob who held guns to women’s head and ripped off veterans. And this is what the beltway coverage is today…